H remains withdrawn and very quiet. Occasionally he rings home to speak to one of the children. If I answer he sounds distant and disappointed that it is me.
At the moment I feel he doesn't want to have any contact. This is a complete change to 2 weeks ago when he was texting and telephoning me and spending a lot of time at home with the kids.
That's the thing with depression--their minds and emotions are all over the place, going up, going down, and until they're ready to deal with the source of the depression, they feel they have no control over their thoughts and emotions. Don't take it personally that he doesn't want contact right now; after all, what he needs most is that time to be forced to deal with his own funk, not even the distraction of his family (wrong though it seems).
In some ways you might consider this time a dress rehearsal for when he does enter the Withdrawal stage and pulls even further from you--what helps you to get through such times? What coping mechanisms work best for you? Can you put on detachment like protective armour when you require it?
Good for you on booking the caravan holiday and surviving your first anniversary while separated. You are sounding stronger all the time!
SA He does seem to be slipping back down the slide again. He wnt there once before but pulled himself out again. His memory has got worse and he appears to float off to the mother ship again. Interestingly he has booked a holiday with OW to a place we went many times including for our honeymoon. Last time he wnent on holiday with her he came back more depressed.
Cyrena I am able to put my detach armour on more effectively these days although I do slip occasionally, especially when he is struggling and I have to let him.
H is coming to visit the children tomorrow so we will see. He does apear to be drawing back from them at the moment as we.Normally telephone calls to S would last 20 mins tonight it lasted 4 minutes.
Libby, I think your H is really struggling. He may be going back to where you honeymooned because in his fogged up brain he remembers being happy there. He has no idea that true happiness comes from within.
He will probably return even more depressed because going back won't give him what he's searching for. There is no band aid big enough and no other way around it, he must look within.
I went out to supper. He offered me supper when I got home but I declined as I told him I had had some.
He looks guilty and confused. Spent little time with me, which is unusual. Eye contact is more difficult for him, whereas previously eye contact was good. He is more miserable and looks old and drawn again. Depression beckons!
I validated what he said but gave no views on the business etc. He tried to talk about it but I just validated what he said so he gave up. Again he wants me to know he is working hard and long hours. h almost wants to reassure me he's not with OW.
He is now looking at Cruise holidays. It appears that all the holidays he is booking with OW are places we went and had lovely holidays both as a couple and with the kids. So he is still looking outward for happiness not inward.
Having said that tonight he has put new tyres on D's car and went to the shop and bought milk. I offered the money and he declined. So small positives. He also parked his car on the drive again and not the road. He asked me if I was off when the children were off school. I said no. He wants to take the children out for the day.
So he continues to fly by on his rollercoaster. And we all wave!
Still no contact at all although he met children today but not here at home.
I feel totally detached as if he is a neighbour across the road so none of my business. This is quite scary after all the months of rollercoaster ride with the emotional ups and downs, pulling me in and spitting me out........ Long may it continue.
Still no contact at all although he met children today but not here at home.
I feel totally detached as if he is a neighbour across the road so none of my business. This is quite scary after all the months of rollercoaster ride with the emotional ups and downs, pulling me in and spitting me out........ Long may it continue.
Ahhhh. The peace is arriving. You will get addicted to it! Enjoy it!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Congratulations on reaching a peaceful state of detachment (at the moment--these states do fluctuate). Learning to detach from the drama, stress and negative energy around us has got to be the biggest blessing we take away from the whole LBS/MLC crisis. As WN says, enjoy it.
