If you see her as in a crappy mood, are you sure it isn't converting friendly into just distant?
You must have been there before. This is exactly what I think about.
I try to be "lovingly distant", but am sure it is more distant than anything. To me, it is impossible to be loving toward her. I have to settle on friendly for now. Not overly friendly but not pissy, either.
What does she want? I am finally done with her B.S. She knows it. Should I make more of an effort to be more loving and not so distant? Doesn't seem like the time is right, but I've been wrong, lots of times, before.
This is tough and a fine line to walk, as I've mentioned before. You don't want to have the "everything is super" attitude and indirectly seem like you are OK with her behavior. But you can focus on everything that is good in your life outside of your relationship and make sure all is super in that respect. Maybe that can help with your attitude.
The only way I can think of that helps is to treat your wife as a female acquaintance, not your wife. You wouldn't be affectionate, but you would be polite, charming, and friendly.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
The only way I can think of that helps is to treat your wife as a female acquaintance, not your wife. You wouldn't be affectionate, but you would be polite, charming, and friendly.
You have mentioned this before and that's what I try to keep in mind when she is like she usually is. If someone I don't know well is treating me like she is, I wouldn't go out of my way to do anything. I am friendly, always doing things with the kids. I let her be how she wants. The difference now is I don't let her bring me down. At least I don't let her see it. There are times when she says something and I smile and say okay, walk in the other room and just scream inside my head. I don't mope around the house like I used to. I am becoming me again.
Just confirmed first MC appt. W asked this morning if I had made one yet. I said I had made some calls and needed to know what time would be best for her. She said anytime. Still doesn't seem all that thrilled about going. It's a small step and that's all right. Sorry if I have previously posted some of this. My mind is going a hundred miles a minute.
There is a Retrouvaille weekend in our area next week. The MC we will be going to is from Catholic family services and recommended we try that also. I don't know if she is ready for it but I will ask.
It may be a small step, but it is in the right direction, so that is good. It is a start.
I am sure you have so much on your mind right now. It seems like it is always with you the problems that these sitches bring to our lives. You are handling yourself so well.
Retrouville could be a good idea if she is willing to go. It could give you the time alone you need to communicate. Could you bring this up in MC if it is appropriate. Just a thought.
You and your family are in my prayers.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
It may be a small step, but it is in the right direction, so that is good. It is a start.
I am sure you have so much on your mind right now. It seems like it is always with you the problems that these sitches bring to our lives. You are handling yourself so well.
Retrouville could be a good idea if she is willing to go. It could give you the time alone you need to communicate. Could you bring this up in MC if it is appropriate. Just a thought.
You and your family are in my prayers.
If your W drops the OM relationship entirely, I believe Retrouvaille will help you a lot more than marriage counseling. Retro is very intense; I can't think of any counseling that would compare to it or deliver more value. It's a lot cheaper, too. It's not just a weekend, there are follow up sessions once a week for at least 6 weeks that are highly recommended and should be considered mandatory.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
If your W drops the OM relationship entirely, I believe Retrouvaille will help you a lot more than marriage counseling. Retro is very intense; I can't think of any counseling that would compare to it or deliver more value. It's a lot cheaper, too. It's not just a weekend, there are follow up sessions once a week for at least 6 weeks that are highly recommended and should be considered mandatory.
From what I have read and heard about the program, I tend to agree with you, Pigskin. I am going to ask her about going and show her some literature about it. I don't want to push too much, you know. I'm glad she has agree to go to MC. At least I'll know pretty quickly if she is indeed serious or just doing it to save face.
I told her last night that our appt. is next Thurs. She asked if that was the quickest we could get in. I said that it was. Why the sudden hurry? Again, trying not to mind read, but she rejected counseling for so long now she can't wait to go. Oh well, we'll soon find out.
I see that as a positive....she may see the urgency of the situation
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
I see that as a positive....she may see the urgency of the situation
Hopefully, you're right. I kind of get a different vibe.
But, mind reading never works. It should be easy to see if she is taking it serious or not. I can't read anything into anything she says. I must show her with my actions that I won't share her with anyone else after I told her. I am leading my family for the first time in a long time and she sees that. Her words and actions, thus far, have been to walk away and find something new and better. Now her words seem to suggest otherwise, we'll see if actions follow.
I printed some info on Retrou. and gave to her this morning. I said I think this would benefit us also, why don't you look it over. She glanced at the first page for about two seconds, threw it on the counter and looked at me with a smirk on her face. "Looks like you already called them." I said no, I got some information. She said let's just see how the MC goes, and turned around and walked off. I left for work.
Coach, you said to expect her to be flirty, then cold. Well, you were right. Except for the flirty part. The good news is it doesn't surprise me or bother me much. The bad news is I still let some of my disappointment show. I catch myself quickly, but I'm not as happy go lucky as I need to be. Since she agreed to go to MC, she has been a total b**ch. Why?
I need to concentrate more on myself again. I haven't stopped doing that, but have caught myself backsliding a bit.
