No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[sandi2]

If you are on friendly terms with them and they won't think you are trying to manipulate her into going back to you, then it may not do any damage to try talking to them. They sound very protective, and as you pointed out before, they don't seem to try to talk her into reconciling. Do you ever see your SIL without your W present? If you could talk to her sister (and if they are close) she might understand more about the need for HRT or meds for depression than her mom, IDK. Is her sister older than she is? Usually they will listen to an older sister.

Your W sounds so much like I was when I got involved in EA. Feeling "dead" emotionally, sexually, no energy, etc., is sure signs and although it is no excuse for what she did.....I think I can say from my personal experience that she was trying to find something that would cause her to "feel" excitement or what she saw as "happiness". That is when she let down her guard and let in the OM. I'll bet she was like I was and had no idea how the chemistry would fool the brain into thinking it was feeling those "in-love" emotions. I wish more people were alerted about how that works.

She not only appears that she's waiting for something to come along to make her happy....but if she doesn't realize how this all really affected her and if she doesn't understand that another person can't make her happy...then she probably "is" waiting for that to happen.

If she did not seem upset when you were dating and feared you were moving on with your life, then she is really deep down in a hole of depression. If there is no emotion at all, that is bad.

Some of the AD meds just made me like a zombie instead of helping me feel normal. I didn't know what to expect from AD's then...but they should help a person feel like their old self. After finding the right AD and being on HRT.....I feel as if I have been saved from being one of the "living dead". That's why I wish she would find the right doctor and get some help.

The bad thing is that after all this time, I'm afraid she has accepted this as some kind of "normal" for her life. Having no hope or energy is enough to stop her from putting forth effort in getting herself to a doctor. Stuck, I know this all sounds so crazy, and if I had not gone through it myself....I would not believe a person wouldn't try to get better. It is a hard thing to understand. But, you have amazed me in your steadfastness. Most people would have pinched her head off by now in frustration.

"Concern' and not frustration is what you need to make sure you show her folks if you talk to them. They could be very suspicious of your intent, so don't let their attitude get the best of you if they don't want to hear you out.

if I gently encourage it, she actually gets angry like I'm forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do.

Well, yes...she does but it is b/c it is like pressure on her and she can't deal with it. I have felt as if every ounce of life has drained from my body. There were times that I felt as if something was happening to me but I didn't know what was wrong. I simply could not make myself get up and move! It's a terrible feeling to live like that. There is guilt that comes with that also, even if she doesn't show it. She "knows" she isn't being the wife & mother she use to be, but she can't seem to "will" herself into doing any more.

Sorry I have bounced around in this post. Tried to cover what you mentioned. Know I repeat myself a lot, but I guess if you get tired of it you'll tell me to hush (lol).