Thanks for the hugs, Julia and Gardener! Lord knows I need as many of those that I can get. I got a ticket today and was all over myself with sobbing and tears and stuff about it.
Below is a post that I wrote to another thread, but wanted to put it here so I can document stuff.
Thanks again...
" ... supposed you would've gone dark, like I did at some point... that didnt' help my ex to miss me ..."
OMG! your words are so consoling, cat, to a person like me who did the same thing you did, and H never came back. Being a LBS who's H has an OW and at least one prostitute who caters to his needs, I felt (and sometimes still do feel) very much like a failure from this marriage.
" ... his mind was in the gutter/OW, nothing and no one was going to convince him of anything else ..."
So nicely and courageously put. Thank you. Your words help people like me whose thread "this train: rolling down a no-come-back track" harldy ever has someone write a long and explanatory note. I'm not complaining, just making an observation. (Lea, please perk up your ears here and listen to what cat says). She speaks with a LOT of wisdom.
"Such is the nature of As... now, there a 50% chance that 6plus months from now the A will go sour ... when the craziness of the secrecy is gone... that happened in my case, but even then, when the crazy OW was gone he still didnt' come back to me, so that's another thing not to hold your breath for."
So true. And in more cases than one. Cat's case is just one in a hundred -- maybe a thousand -- who's situation is just like hers. I know MINE is very similar. I do remember the DB days - my first year of being a LBS, when all I ever prayed for was his A to "go sour" so he would come back to me. Well, guess what? The A never went sour.
My H is going on four years of (I don't even know what to call it anymore) an OW. It certainly isn't a full-fledged affair because he hardly ever sleeps with her (at least not from what can be seen). He helps her with her "business" (I shouldn't even be saying this on here for fear he/or she might be reading my comments) but oh well.
I for one, have always prayed (and still keep praying) for the "the craziness of the secrecy to be gone." I've convinced myself that it will never end and I will NEVER really know the full truth. Four years is almost an eternity, and my divorce just keeps dragging on, probably to his benefit.
But, one thing is for sure. Life continues to move forward, and time keeps passing, so please make good use of it. The older we get, the harder it is to pick up the pieces. You're still young. Hold fast to your dreams and look for the beauty of living a life that is fulfilling before it's too late.
