I appreicate Sandi2's willingness to be open and her insight into the mind of the WAW. I am, however; infuriated with this type of thinking. I don't care what has gone on inside a marriage, you don't cheat. If it's really that bad, then get the hell out. The whole WAW's mentality that the marital problems somehow "entitles" her to cheat is disgusting and a sign of someone who is a real low quality human being.. It's not even about your partner, its about having the strength of character to respect and honor yourself. Just my opinion.
If you don't "care" then you have some growing up to do too CK. Caring WHY it happened is important to reconcilliation. If you can't muster enough strength and courage to care then you are headed for trouble.
The entitlement to cheat comes from a messed up brain chemistry AFTER the affair is in place... and the addiction has kicked in...
Simply attacking someone's moral character because of their position during an affair isn't constructive to reconcilliation, or even realistic to the facts.
People get confused, they get vulnerable, they get scared, they get angry... if they run into the wrong person at that time and don't have sufficient education or experience to hold them steady they can fall over the line... By then its too late, the brain's chemistry is rushing 90 miles an hour...
Sorry CK, but condeming someone's moral character for making mistakes when their marriage is in a rough spot isn't solving anything... or even an honest appraisal of what's going on... Sandi's argument still stands in my opinion... And stands much taller than condemnation...
I don't see it that way. We'll have to agree to disagree.
I work in law enforcement so maybe I see everything in black and white. Everyday I deal with people who make choices. I can tell you from my experience that almost all of them, with the exception of the few suffering from mental illness, know what they're doing is wrong. They simply choose to do it anyway. The fact that there may be mitigating circumstances doesn't matter, they had an opportunity to make a choice and they chose the behavior that either benefits them the most or feels the best. To me, cheating si no different. Before this so called "addiction" takes place they make a choice to turn away from their marriage and engage in behavior they know to be inappropriate. So many people seek out some underlying trauma or whatever to justify their spouses infidelity, it helps to try to mitigate the pain. Whatever works for you. In my experience in life and in work, is that some people are just selfish. They will always put their self interest above the well being of others. There is no cause and affect, they're just low quality people.
