Quote:
Quote:
then at least explain to me why the bond is so different from everyone else's?



because it is his. he is not you, you are not him.

that's fine.
so when i am close to my parents, i do not wish to hear him say he feels left out. because how is that different from the bond between him and his parents?
there isn't a difference.
he had the balls to tell me that i had to put him first in our marriage and my parents were secondary.
yet, he wants to turn around and say he can put his parents first because their bond is so different from the bond i have with my parents?
it doesn't work that way. not with me.
if he says i have to put our marriage first, parents second.
then he better be doing the same thing. otherwise, i have no respect for him or his words.

Quote:
detach, look in the fishbowl at the two of you.

yes, all i saw was someone who said one thing and did another.

Quote:
those are all great goals. how can you get there?

those goals aren't attainable.
every time i say i want to know what the real reason is, i get told "you may never know". so there goes the first goal.

when i say i want to let him know how truly hurt i was.
again, i get asked "and what would the point of that be? he doesn't care."

i need to him to know i was never a threat to his parents or their relationship.
but i need to know where i stand.
obviously i don't stand anywhere. it isn't my choice where i stand.

i want a chance at being a wife, not a mother.
with the impending d and this ridiculous separation agreement, there is no chance in hell that i will get the chance to be a wife. and that pisses me off. i never got a chance to be a real wife. i was a mother who carried his extra clothing, water bottle, cell phone .. while he had his hands free to take pictures. every picture of me shows me grouchy and my hands are full of crap.

i want him to want me? heh. dream on. he just wants mom and dad.

i know i'm very negative about this. because i think i'm just as fogged up.
the anger is going to consume me. i can't stop it.
i can't seem to put the focus back to me.
it sounds so bad but i don't feel there is anything wrong with me.
that's why i don't know what i'm supposed to work on.
the physical part doesn't need changing - i'm already too thin, i am active, i don't need better clothes (i have nice clothes).
personality wise - oh boy. smile funny, as i was walking in to work today, i kept thinking about my vindictive side and how to tame it.

for some reason, the only way i will see any hope is if his parents die.
is there any other alternative?