I'd agree with your statement that "the only reason to go would be to show you're not the bad guy." However, as long as he's in the polarized MLC view of "Wife=bad guy; affair partner=path to happiness," the fact that you're not the enemy CANNOT penetrate his skewed view of the world. The fog is a self-imposed brainwashing that does not let new thoughts in--not until he's good & done with the OW.
My suggestion would be to let him know, "H, I agree that counselling to learn to communicate with each other is necessary. However, at this point emotions are too high and the situation is still too raw and painful, so I'd like to hold off on it until a more productive time."
