It HURTS so bad, desperately need re assurance

[MrBond]

First off, it's obvious you have alot of contempt for her H. It seems like you even let it slip when you're talking about the twins they had together.

"VERY Premature Twin Girls by the Abuser 15 years ago and two with me, a nearly 6 year old girl and a 7 mo old son."

You didn't have to add the part about them being premature as that was 15 YEARS ago. If you consider them your kids, then they are your kids.

When you start drawing the line between that's theirs and this is mine, you're not going to get anyone back with that attitude. It sounds like you touched on something you mentioned before about how they were looking at becoming one big family with your biological kids included. Maybe he is accepting what you haven't. It could be that your W felt that you never accepted her kids. Oh sure you say you do, but why even mention about the premature part? You mention that as if they were flawed and your kids are PERFECT.

That's the attitude that's turning her off.

Also, it would be good for you to stop referring to her H as her EX. He is her H. Whether he's a dirtbag or not, he's her H. There's a big thing perception-wise to a woman between an actual H and an EX. The sooner you understand that and respect that R, the sooner you'll be able to figure out what to do.

Based on what you said about her past, she has abandonment issues. First with her father, then with her abuse. She started feeling like you weren't fulfilling her needs, so she started perceiving that you were slipping away and would eventually leave her. As warped as that sounds, it's what happens (read any psychology book). So she left you before you could leave her. It was at that point that she went back to her H.

How much interaction do you have with her? I mean for your kids, do you even spend 50% of the time with them?