Just found out she already filed

[ClingingToHope]

OK. If you had to get it off your chest. Just don't do it again. She has all the power when you do that.

Get yourself on a budget. Once you figure out you CAN do this then things get better and you can start dreaming again.

Really, I went nuts for 10 months and spent myself into oblivion. Now, I've been on a tight budget for six weeks and have figured out I can do this and now I'm ... excited for the future in a way.

There's so much I want to say to STBXW -- but it would all be said trying to convince her she's making a mistake. We can't do that anymore. They are beyond the point of listening to us. Only be surviving and thriving will they ever see they may have made a mistake.

Think about five years from now. Where do you want to be living? What do you want to be doing? How do you want your daughter to view you? What do you want your ex-wife to see when she sees you?

The best revenge is a life well lived.

[whatisis]

"I told her how this was a THE problem in our relationship that she has expectation of me but I don't know about them. Beyond asking for what she needs what else can I do? especially if she says no. To me that means no...apparently to her it meant yes"

SR, I know that world well! Once we went shopping for beds and my wife had a bad back. We found a bed, which was more expensive than we'd intended but apparently it would be better for her back. I told her that it would be fine to purchase that bed if it was going to help her back. She said "No, it's too expensive" and I said "if it will help then let's buy it" and she said "no" So we didn't buy it. Years later she threw this at me saying "You should have known that I really did want that bed" Umm OK, even though you say NO I'm supposed to spend our money without your OK because I'm supposed to know that you really want to spend it.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks for the words of encouragement guys. I have a question for you who've gone through this process. Did they run the guideline numbers for you using DissoMaster? It says under the guidelines "# withholding allowances 13" for me and 1 for her. Does that mean I can claim 13 on my W4? I usually claim 1 and end up getting a tax refund when I file my taxes. 13 seems really high but maybe with child support and alimony it isn't? If I do take it to 13 based on some rough calculations my Net wage paycheck number matches what's on the dissomaster report and then there's a chance I can pay her $2k alimony while watching my spendings very closely.

CTH, I know it was dumb of me...don't know why I feel like I need her to see that I'm the victim here. I want her to have sympathy for me which sucks now that I think about it. She's still the familiar comfort who helped me through lots of decisions and problems in the past. She was who I confided in so it's easy to fall back into that mode when I see her and she just walks right over and sits next to me and start acting like nothing happened.

[flowmom]

HotRomeo, you`re getting great input here. I wish I had concrete advice for you...but I don`t. I hope your L is doing the job he should be doing...it seems like your W`s L has a strategy all figured out and your L is just reacting to things.

I`m sure you`ll figure out the finances, but why not move close to your work into a neighbourhood with great schools. Then you`ll save money on commuting, stop paying tuition and have more time for GAL and DD. Time to create a new lifestyle for yourself and do what`s right for you.

(((hugs)))

[luvless]

just stopping by offering my support....

hugs

[NoLongerHere]

Just really quick - child support isn't tax deductable.
Spousal support is -
Like I mentioned in my note to you - I ran the W4 calculator on the IRS site, and it gave me a ridiculous number. Don't know.

[Gardener]

Romeo,

just stopping by offering my support...

Ditto, buddy.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks guys I appreciate your support and the words of advice! she just sent me an email saying our DD got accepted to the private school that we really liked. I want to tell her it's not going to happen if I have to pay her $2k/mo...no way no how. Should I? she said they'll cash her deposit check soon (I guess that's her problem not mine?)

[alice444]

Per my email- I think nix the private school for now and save what you can. I'm sorry I can't advise on the support #'s, etc. but it sounds like you're getting screwed, which makes me mad for you. Maybe she'll get a better paying job in a year or so- you can always adjust these support things, right?

(((((SR)))))

[ClingingToHope]

Life is about consequences and it sucks that your daughter is getting caught up in it. If you can't afford it then you can't afford it. She may paint this as your fault to deflect her own bad decisions. You have to be strong.