WAH and LBW separated and dark

[AJM]

my only regret is that i "gave" myself to my h. i wish i could take that back. i feel used. and it's hard for me to get over it. i don't feel right anymore.

Really? Why? Can you think back to a time when the two of you were happy?
You are not going to help yourself by thinking you made a bad choice. Certainly you will crawl all over it. But that's just anger talking and it's not going to help you at this point very much. Being mad only helps you get away most of the time. You may want to reconsider the way you view things. For example, you and your husband had many wonderful times. There was a time when you trusted him, when you enjoyed being around him, when you loved him. You picked him for many of those reasons. You trusted him because he was trustworthy. There were many good qualities that your husband had. That means you didn't make a mistake and you did have some good times. Try to remember that.

You don't see a lot of things right now. You are not ready to see many of them. But I do see some things that are really good. For example, reminding yourself to get back into exercise. Do it. Don't hesitate. That's also a good way to meet people. People that don't know you or your situation. I encourage you to meet more of those.

Family and friends. Gotta love 'em. I had to go dark on my family and friends for a while. Why? Because they were not inline with my goals. They saw me hurting - dying a slow death. And they wanted to help alleviate that pain. How do they help? They agree with you and say what a bastard he is etc. That won't help. In fact, the less you say to family and mutual friends, the better. Because when things change, and they will change at some point, those things you said will be barriers to any kind of chance either of you may have had. Trust me on that one - it's true.

Focus on you. Is that really telling you how to get through without going crazy? To some degree yes. But you have to realize there is no "potion" or "recipe" that will cause your husband to fall in love with you again or to "wake up". What I can almost guarantee is that if you stay like this, he will go far and away from you. You'll be the crazy ex-wife which will reinforce the ideas that others have helped him form. Don't be that person. Learn to be you.

People only want what they don't already have. They want things that are neat and shiny. Clean. Fun. Exciting. Full of life. Happy.
Are you those things right now? I doubt it. But you can be. Will that guarantee your husband will reconsider? Nope. But it does mean that you'll have a fighting chance. It does mean that you will be a much better person and one that loves herself and is able to stand up for what she believes in. You will get there.

What you did was not a mistake. You must believe that. Because if you don't, then you are flawed in that regard. You are not. That's not what happened here.

Focus on being a positive you. It'll take time, but as your view of things begins to change, your sleeping will come back as well. Exercise will help greatly.

It's not fair, but it is up to you. When you see that, you will realize it may not be what you asked for, but it can be an even better opportunity than you ever dreamed it could be. Again, for now trust me that's the case. Later you can tell me I was right

AJ