I appreicate Sandi2's willingness to be open and her insight into the mind of the WAW. I am, however; infuriated with this type of thinking. I don't care what has gone on inside a marriage, you don't cheat. If it's really that bad, then get the hell out. The whole WAW's mentality that the marital problems somehow "entitles" her to cheat is disgusting and a sign of someone who is a real low quality human being.. It's not even about your partner, its about having the strength of character to respect and honor yourself. Just my opinion.
If you don't "care" then you have some growing up to do too CK. Caring WHY it happened is important to reconcilliation. If you can't muster enough strength and courage to care then you are headed for trouble.
The entitlement to cheat comes from a messed up brain chemistry AFTER the affair is in place... and the addiction has kicked in...
Simply attacking someone's moral character because of their position during an affair isn't constructive to reconcilliation, or even realistic to the facts.
People get confused, they get vulnerable, they get scared, they get angry... if they run into the wrong person at that time and don't have sufficient education or experience to hold them steady they can fall over the line... By then its too late, the brain's chemistry is rushing 90 miles an hour...
Sorry CK, but condeming someone's moral character for making mistakes when their marriage is in a rough spot isn't solving anything... or even an honest appraisal of what's going on... Sandi's argument still stands in my opinion... And stands much taller than condemnation...
I'm thankful for sandi2's insights and contributions. I also agree that feelings of entitlement grow during the affair. The WAS might not even have a clue that by starting and continuing in their affair that they are going to basically disenfranchise their spouse.
