The help she gets is $35 a hour professional dullas. They are experts in child care. They afford her the freedom to run her errands, make short visits to family and do what she needs to do during the day until I get home. Interestingly, I spoke privately with one of the girls who has been with us since the day after we came home from the hospital with our kids and she said that she is rarely home alone with the kids. My W leaves when the kids take a nap and is usually back before they awake. In other words, she doesn't take full advantage of the help she gets. She doesn't feel right unless she is doing everything.
I have seen her up at 4-5am with one of our kids and when I tell her to go back to bed and let me take care of the kids her first reaction is to say no. She gives me excuses ("oh, it will take me so long to fall back asleep," etc.). She runs herself ragged and leaves no time or energy for us.
I am playing my heart out. Sometimes I just get frustrated by the lack of credit or more often, the lack of acknowledgement. She may snap at me over the smallest things and then quickly snap back as if she never snapped at all. I only occasionally get a goodbye in the AM or a goodnight at night. I sleep in a separate room and I keep my distance after the kids are down.
I bought her a few movies that she wanted to see and instead of watching them with me, she watches them without me.
Little things like that get under my skin because I think I am expecting a little tiny bit of validation for my efforts.
