SCH - I'm so sorry that you are going through this I'm just going to offer a hug tonight and prayers that things get settled soon for you. You must be so exhausted from this drama...I know that I'm
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Saw a friend yesterday, she recently left her very nice husband, because she thinks he's too immature for her, she needs a "MAN" now. Whatever. She ruined her marriage. Her kids are very confused and alone (they are with her but she's running all over the place). Her H basically takes the kids his 50%time and then stays away from her the rest of the time, is very angry. She decided to rennovate her house at the same time, to make more money incase they sell, and so the whole house is torn up, the kids are living in dust and work debris, the pets can't move anywhere. It is sooooo sad.
And she sits there smiling, talking about how much better the freedom is, and how great the future will be, and how happy the kids are listening to her tales.
Sounds like a crisis. She's now on a journey of self discovery, but some day, she's going to figure it all out and the "man" that she had was the "man" she was seeking. It's all very sad.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think I "get it" now... WH, he had some good fortune starting a few years ago, and that drew lots of attention his way. He went with it, but went too far, and then ended up in all sorts of situations with work colleagues and his friends that were not compatible with the concept of conventional marriage. He got pulled back and forth, creating the fights and rifts in our marriage, until it all got to be too much for him, and he ran. Left us. Started a new life.
But after a couple of months of settling into his new life (well, maybe 1/2 a year), he started to realize what he had done, and what he was loosing.
So he tried to reconcile, but the anger and guilt were too much, and he was still blaming me, so it didn't work.
More time passes, and he figures that if he can find work in my city, then we can start fresh, and build it back up together. But he can't find work in my city. And even if he did, he'd have to constantly interact with his old work colleagues and circles anyways, in his city, because that is his line of business. So every time things got tough with us, he'd be drawn back. And knowing that would make it so hard to trust him anymore, every time we would (future) argue, he'd leave to do things in the other city, etc etc.
And he can't have us live in his city, because there is no life there for me. I would have to give up my job, well that's not the end of the world. But I'd be more dependant on him for everything, and he would be in the environment of work colleagues that he formed all these "other" relationships with, went partying with, bad-mouthed me around. So how can he show up with now, after years and years of that?!
And even going back with his family is hard now, because he was so awful about me to his mother all these years, and she really doesn't like me (it's a religious thing), and she is his closest confident. So he'd have to say he was wrong, he'd have to change his whole relationship with me to start sticking up for me, and so on.
So I think it's really over, just gasping for breath now, but over. I am so soooo sorry and sad. And there' really nothing I can do. It's so broken, even though I love him so much.
omg... I know I need an SA, I know he's not here, but I just heard for the first time from WH's L. He is working on his documents now. Why won't he just come home? I am crying and I feel so sick to my stomach.
I left work for the day. I had a cry. A very bad cheeseburger. I had a nap. I called WH but he didn't answer (probably just as well, I just would have cried). Why can't I make this work? WHY? Why does he hate me so much? WHY??? I feel sooo very tired now.
You cannot make it work by yourself. He's the one in crisis and while he's in OZ, he has to be the one to work on himself. You can have faith and hope that maybe some day, he will wake up and realize what he's lost.
He doesn't hate you. It's the depression talking, just as it is his childhood calling him. Your h needs to grow up and accept the fact that you are not his mother and that he needs to learn that happiness comes from within. You did not break your h, therefore, you cannot fix him.
Now, you must let him go, allow God to work on him. It's important that you focus on you and your family. You now will have to think of this situation as a business deal in order to ensure that you are financially set.
I'm very sorry to hear about what he's doing, but I'm not surprised. It's time to take care of YOU!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm just going to offer a hug tonight and prayers that things get settled soon for you. You must be so exhausted from this drama...I know that I'm
