I'm not saying it's easy, Sandi -- in fact, I know from my wife's own experience that it's NOT -- but I do think that "courteous and respectful behavior toward your betrayed spouse," coupled with a commitment to at least END THE DIVORCE PLANS, is a pretty fair MINIMUM standard at this stage, don't you?
I think it'll be another 6-12 months before OIN gets his emotional needs met in any significant way from his wife, don't get me wrong. But it needs to START with the above, in my opinion, and I don't think it's unrealistic -- or unfair -- whatsoever.
Oh, absolutely. I was agreeing with what you said before. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that. I "do" believe that good behavior must be the first step b/c people "can" behave well....even if they don't have the right feelings yet. But as long as a couple shows disrespectful behavior, then only bad will come forth from that.
No, it is not easy for either person. I guess the message I try to get through to the LBH is that he wants her to change back to how it used to be....and do it right now (snap). She just can't, and if she did seem to change that quickly or easily, I would think something was still stinking (if you know what I mean) and she was simply putting on a show......not an effort.
Lotus, yes if there is no communication then there are serious, serious complications. That was the birth of my M problems....so I understand that completely. Even in trying to talk to work things out, there were few words spoken from my H...and I'm sure that is one reason it took a long time for me to get through some of my personal cr@p.....but maybe that's just "me" in my stitch. In other cases, the LBS may want to talk too much....IDK. But I agree that sweeping it under the rug never solves anything.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
