Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Let's see, so on Saturday I get a text mid-day from H just saying how exhausted and miserable he is feeling and apologizes for always complaining about that to me, but says I'm the one he talks to about how he feels. My thought - see, I am the only one you can count on! Eat your words! haha. But I'm glad he puts that much trust in me. I just tried to reaffirm to him that his body was just worn down from lack of sleep and oxygen to his brain and that as his body begins to heal after the surgery, he will start to feel better. Just wanting to give him the strength and the encouragement to keep going. We went back and forth a bit and I was able to support and validate his feelings and fears about all this. We leave it with him saying sick or not, he will be over on Sunday. I ended up talking to him a bit that night b/c he was having back pain that was unbearable (as he told me Sunday, it was so bad, he wanted to cry, and H does not cry easily). I let him know to just make it thru the night and I would give him a backrub on Sunday that he could look forward.

I thought it was just all H's issues that were causing all his problems, but I realized it was more likely caused by the illness that was going around. As different family members began to collaborate stories, we realized we were all having nausea and or vomiting, servere fatigue, cramps (whether in back or stomach). I had had severe back pain on Thurs that I could hardly sleep. Now it made sense. So anyway when H got there on Sunday, I told him what I had figured out, and it was actually such a relief to him. He honestly thought he was on the road to death. It was such a relieft that it was just a bad bug that would eventually pass. So anyways, I gave him a little TLC with the backrub and stuff and he was SOOO appreciative. He texted me later to thank me again. That night we texted a little about S etc.

Yesterday, I get a mid-day text from H jsut saying "Hi" (rare for H). As you know, I was super busy yesterday, so I didn't even see it. Awhile later, I get another text saying "no hello back? You know I get needy when I don't feel good". haha. I don't know, I just thought it was kind of funny. I think it's just good that he "needs" me. I just told him I hadn't seen his text and was busy and asked him if he was feeling any better. Unfortunately he wasn't. We has some more texts and then texted that night about S. I'm probably not even explaining all this very well, but it just seeemed like there was a lot of positive communication where H is really having to learn to trust and rely on me again.

Overall, he's just really looking forward to his surgery. He is scared of it, but he is sooo ready to start feeling better. The fact that he is open to change sets a good tone for change in the future. I have no idea whwere this is all going, but I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, be there for him right now for him in his time of need, and just see where this all goes.