I think I am going to take newmama's advice and just try to focus on something else for today. It is going to be hard but I don't think I'm thinking clearly enough to be able to make any of these decisions and I don't want to regret anything later that I say or do.
I am desperate. I mean he is walking out on 10 years but luckily, I'm not sure that I've completely displayed that to him. I haven't contacted him AT ALL in anyway and when he came over to talk on Sunday I let him lead the discussion, let him know where I stood and said I thought he would resolve it but I would go on without him. Inside, I just wanted to break down and run to him and have him hold me but I didn't do it.
For all he knows, I'm sipping on a margarita right now.
Baby steps, right?
I think I've also said in previous posts that his behavior has made everything very confusing. Four days before he left he wrote a beautiful birthday card to me about hope proud he was to call me his "wife, love and friend". He told me he loved me everyday, he was affectionate (not sexually, but hugs/kisses). It's just so sad that it's gotten to this point that he can't see that we can work it out. He has let his past resentments eat him up and I think he is just convinced that he can't love me like he used to. I believe he must have some sort of emotions left for me or, maybe I'm just dellusional.
