You have been growing--your W did something immature and selfish.
You DO have interactions way too much. Stop "smoothing it over" with her. She did break up your family. Focus on that and treat her more like the stranger she is. Be cool, aloof, and not mean, but not warm either.
Why does she get a hug?? Make her work for it--she hasn't done anything to deserve that. Make YOU the priority here. What do YOU want.
(I know, an intact family is what you ultimately want--but that isn't reality now--stick with reality)
What would you be doing if you were dating someone else--meditate on that before you have interactions with her.
You have to stop playing victim here--even in your head. Be proud of you. She may *look* like she is having a fine, wonderful life. Don't be so sure. Has she grown? has she matured? did she run from problems? without saying a word? What work has she done on herself so that won't happen ever again?
Detach, look at her from a distance. Trouble is coming her way. You just wait. Nothing about her is different--everything about you is different. Your next R is going to be SO MUCH BETTER. And it may even be with your W--but you have to do some more work too.
