MI--- Been in your shoes.......They are VERY heavy!!!
In hindsight, I can now see how things played out in my situation so maybe some thoughts for you will help in yours.
#1 MAKE NO DECISIONS or convey decisions to her at this time.
#2 DO NOT leave the house OR attempt to kick her out.
#3 You need to become indifferent to her. Be cordial, but do not engage in her attacks as hard as that may be. Just make due as best you can as I suspect the time together in the house will be short lived.
#4 Do not speak anything official with her. Ponder seaking an lawyer for protection. Start documenting everything including the hours she is keeping. Only factual items though. Speculation is just that.
#5 Allow yourself (in private) to be angry and hurt. Keeping the emotions in will detonate at some point and cause more harm. As suggested, go for long walks, talk to yourself, talk to a priest/minister, or if money allows seek a counselor. There are many free avenues for release of the emotions you are having. But, keep it even keeled when around her and kids.
Her attacking you as attempting to be "Super Dad" is her guilt of her actions. My waw now admits that. But it was my instincts that sent me into that mode.
Focus on calm right now....do not engage her. Whether you wish to save this at this point or not is not really relevant. Focus on the well being of the kids as she clearly is not. But don't be a martyr either.....find that balance.
Very good advice. Only do much more than "ponder" on the legal front -- you need to retain someone. Preferably a good family law atty who specializes in "men's rights" and paternal custody issues.
As for her "turning everyone against you," separate these people into two groups: close friends and family that you actually CARE what they think, and the remainder. EXPOSE THE TRUTH to the first group, and don't worry about the second group.
"I have decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair" should be your mantra from here on out. You're being FAR too passive here, and it is that passivity that your wife complained about too. Time to LEAD, m/i.
