I think I "get it" now... WH, he had some good fortune starting a few years ago, and that drew lots of attention his way. He went with it, but went too far, and then ended up in all sorts of situations with work colleagues and his friends that were not compatible with the concept of conventional marriage. He got pulled back and forth, creating the fights and rifts in our marriage, until it all got to be too much for him, and he ran. Left us. Started a new life.
But after a couple of months of settling into his new life (well, maybe 1/2 a year), he started to realize what he had done, and what he was loosing.
So he tried to reconcile, but the anger and guilt were too much, and he was still blaming me, so it didn't work.
More time passes, and he figures that if he can find work in my city, then we can start fresh, and build it back up together. But he can't find work in my city. And even if he did, he'd have to constantly interact with his old work colleagues and circles anyways, in his city, because that is his line of business. So every time things got tough with us, he'd be drawn back. And knowing that would make it so hard to trust him anymore, every time we would (future) argue, he'd leave to do things in the other city, etc etc.
And he can't have us live in his city, because there is no life there for me. I would have to give up my job, well that's not the end of the world. But I'd be more dependant on him for everything, and he would be in the environment of work colleagues that he formed all these "other" relationships with, went partying with, bad-mouthed me around. So how can he show up with now, after years and years of that?!
And even going back with his family is hard now, because he was so awful about me to his mother all these years, and she really doesn't like me (it's a religious thing), and she is his closest confident. So he'd have to say he was wrong, he'd have to change his whole relationship with me to start sticking up for me, and so on.
So I think it's really over, just gasping for breath now, but over. I am so soooo sorry and sad. And there' really nothing I can do. It's so broken, even though I love him so much.
