Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

I really don't know why CTH. In retrospect it was a mistake I let her see how vulnerable I am for her. I told her how this is not what I wanted and then I tried to offer a rebuttal to her firey email from a few days ago. I told her how disrespectful it was for her to file for the divorce and not even tell me about it. She said she figured I'd get mad that's why...whatever. She'd also said that she felt I was taking advantage of the fact that she's unemployed when she left...I told her how it works against me and not in my favor and besides I've asked her many times if she needed money but her answer was never yes. She said 'I hate asking for money, if you care then you should just write me a check '. I told her how this was a THE problem in our relationship that she has expectation of me but I don't know about them. Beyond asking for what she needs what else can I do? especially if she says no. To me that means no...apparently to her it meant yes

I told her how I suspect that she's involved with someone else. She said she isn't, I told her I don't trust her on that because that's what she'd said last time. She just rolled her eyes. Yeah I probably said too much...but I needed to get a few things off my chest especially when she'd said some really bizzare and mean things in her email.

The payments part sucks, I make well into the 6 figures and I'll be living hand to mouth...but you know what? worse case senario my life will be pretty modest for 4.5 years while I pay her the alimony. There's light at the end of the tunnel...

Until then there's still the final judgement that will be decided in court or settled between us so there's hope that things will be better for me...and not worse.

Thanks guys...I don't feel like writing much today and probably for the next few days but I'll try to keep up with your happenings.