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But even IF there is an OW, what sort of person gets involved with a clearly depressed, not-yet-divorced guy? Nothing of merit.

poor judgement is no excuse to get involved with another person.
if he makes that choice, then she can have him. they can both be the gum i scrape off the bottom of my shoe.

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I don't know why, I thought you two were a bit younger--but still--humiliating.

thanks, lauraoh! smile that did make me feel better.
i look a lot younger than i am.

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And alone with his thoughts, even though mom says he is "perfect", I bet he doesn't believe her. Sure, it's nice to hear, but being perfect isn't what gets you into marriage problems.

i know coach and forrest are going to "ah hem" me for this but he does believe her when she says he's just the perfect child. just perfect in every way. he may have asked for the d, but it's all because this horrible w of his. when he is with his w, he just looks terrible. just terrible! and when he's home with mommy and daddy, he's happy and just perfect. it's such a tragedy but he's doing it to save himself from this evil w of his. he truly is. he would never hurt anyone. it's her who's hurting him. she's not a good person. she's mean and his mom is terrified of her. she's just a terrorist.

sorry .. where was i going with that?

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His thoughts are not as clear-cut as you make them. Or he is a psychopath and you haven't described him to everyone here correctly.

mental issues run in their family so i'm inclined to choose the psychopath option.
every single person has some kind of mental issue that hasn't been addressed. it's funny. they are all aware of each other's issues except for the person who owns the issue. and nobody is willing to bring it up.
everyone knows the mother has a enmeshment issues and general anxiety disorder yet they just put up with it. it causes problems but everyone just sweeps it under the carpet.
sister was popping valium or some anti-depressant medication for years. did anyone follow up with her? no. and she just got worse. but why was she taking them to begin with? i dunno.

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Which is it? a guy with a clear, calculated plan to do you in?

Or a basically decent person that has made some extremely unfortunate (ok, bad) choices lately?

i'm not sure any more.
i used to think that he was a decent guy who made a bad choice.
but i'm beginning to think he's got a calculated plan.
there was a plan to get me out of the house so he can claim the entire house for himself.
there are way too many clues.

why would a guy make one bad choice after another? it's not coincidence. it's because it's been calculated and discussed with his parents.

he feared that i would take him for all he's worth. and so that's why they are going on the offensive.
high powered lawyer.
bring mom in to take everything. also strength in numbers.
my house key went missing.
the contents of his financial statement is just another part of their plan. gifts given to me, are suddenly not mine? why are only some things on and some aren't? are we making up our own rules again?

i need a break. otherwise, i'm just going to go crazy.