WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

Busy day.. seems it doesn't matter much.. it was quite around "here".

drove home today.
didn't want to come back.
spent a lot of time with friends, instead of family.
went out with a good friend (male, married).
he did a great job of keeping the conversation about non-r stuff.
he even switched topics when i started going off on a tangent.
next day, i spent the day shopping with a friend (female, married).
she needed a stylist and called me up.
she said i had a good sense of style.
i turned her into a "monster" now. she can't stop thinking about the $209 pair of jeans i made her try on. ;-)
the time spent with family was tense.

"This got missed I think. Being brutally honest with you and with him is how I read that. Be honest. Not mean or vindictive. But honest. Not for a "goal" but for the sake of being honest. You have nothing to lose on that front. Being honest will always be the right thing to do even when painful at the moment."

Yes.. spot on.

i don't know how to be honest without being vindictive.
at least, not now.

And you don't know.. how many people come here and argue the point. Every poster "here" that "made it" will tell you.. that is exactly what "saved" them.

so db-ing is really about saving one from the grip of depression.

No.. just a tiny bit. It makes it hard right now because of all the "Emotion" you are throwing at it. I know this sounds harsh but it is your mind.. and what you are thinking about that keeps this cycle going. He is not in the picture. He has moved out. You are interrupting based on your past inferences. This legal process is a completely separate thing. You ALWAYS ask for more than you expect to get.

my mind is feeding me what i know about my h.
what i've seen, what i've heard.
my L didn't tell me to inflate my financial statement like that.
any gifts i gave him, i didn't claim because the law says a gift is a gift. also what you brought into the marriage is yours. so wtf? should i be switching lawyers?

This I agree with. I hope to never have my advice put you into that position. Firm.. Smart.. Solid choices. You get that from me.. cause I am not "stuck" where you are. I can give a fresh perspective. You do with it what you want. "This" is where I function best. I have been here once or twice before. <-- little sarcasm there.

this is where i'm frustrated.
i am doing it to set boundaries.
i will not tolerate him making up rules to suit his needs.
he is not an exception to the rule. the law doesn't look at how "unfair" he may think it is. it is there to protect both sides from taking an unfair share.
isn't HE the caucasian one? oh wait, i had a better command of the English language though. :P

Whatever it is the goal is when you think about it.. it is really hard to think about anything else. By doing that.. it allows you to react with "No Emotion".

i'm going to keep this in mind.
i think when i was talking to my friend (male, married), i really did forget about my sitch.
it was nice to not have to unconsciously not think about it.
and when i told my friend that it was what i needed.
he said that was his goal. to get me to stop thinking about it. he brought out the fun side of me again.

All of us posting here can't be wrong. And when you really look at it.. we are all saying the exact same thing. The message won't change.. even if you fight it. It has worked.. for people that were in much worse places then you are. You just have to choose.

the part that i'm fighting and resisting is that i refuse to db if it means saving me from the grip of depression, to help me get back on my feet in order to move on to a new life and leave my m behind.

sometimes i don't know if the advice is steering me towards reconciliation or to a life in solitude.

i don't want to hear how someone was in the same sitch as me and moved on to a great life without their h. people can have worst sitchs but their h's aren't controlled by an evil force that won't die called 'mom & dad'. their h's aren't involved in enmeshed relationships that is practically cult-like. trying pulling my h away from the grip of mommy and daddy.

my guess is. one day i will get it. and by then, i will be d-ed and i'll have no choice but to move on. i think deep down, i don't believe it can be saved. i can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. work or no work. it's futile. there is no light. there is no hope.

it's a slow and painful death that i am afraid to face but i know i have to. i am appreciative that everyone sees hope. because i just see a black bottomless pit.

gonna try and get some sleep.
i haven't slept well in the last week.
and i don't have much of an appetite but i made myself cook for distraction.
i have a lot on my mind.
i need a vacation - somewhere i can run away to.