What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

[gatsby11]

So I went to SIL's H's graduation. All was fine until SIL started talking about WH again. . . I admit I wanted to hear, so I didn't stop her.

+ Last week after she and I saw Babies, she called him to see if he wanted to hang out for a bit. He answered the phone at least, but he said he had a bunch of guys over drinking so he couldn't. (It was 5 pm.)

+ During that same phone call, though, he asked her who she saw the movie with. She said me. He asked how I was. She answered something about me looking good. And he said no, how is she really? And she said she didn't know exactly. And he said "Should I call her?" And she said she didn't know, but probably yeah.

+ And then this really pisses me off. He attended the graduation yesterday. He was LATE and then he LEFT EARLY saying he had a party to get to.

What a frickin a**hole. His BIL is graduating and he's got to rush over to a party? That has OP written all over it. Or at the very least, desperate, embarassing PRICK. That's all I keep thinking. He is so embarassing to me right now. How humiliating in front of his BIL's family, showing up late and leaving early.

Fortunately that was about all I heard before we were cut off and the subject changed. She did say though that she's so mad at him and she cried all the way back home after watching Babies and talking with him. Oh yeah, and

+ She asked him how much involvement he wanted to have with the baby and he said he didn't know.

What a motherf***er. And with all his issues, that should be really insulting to him.

So I'm obviously really pissed, and I will probably revise my email a tad to not be so accommodating. It's funny that NC can make you think more fondly about your own WAS. But once I hear about him again, I'm back to GET AWAY FROM ME!

I was getting to the point today where I was thinking I could be there when he meets her. Maybe even the 3 of us. But now I'm like hell no, I don't want to be around that loser.

Oh and when I talked with Other Sister on the phone today, she said that the only reason she was coming to this area in July was to see ME and the baby. Big omission? Seeing her brother.

So yes, I am blessed to have such great ILs. I just have to enforce the no WH-talk because I don't need to waste time thinking about him other than his fathering duties.

[gatsby11]

Oh, and before the talk with SIL, she showed me pictures of yesterday's graduation. I saw WH and I felt nothing. Seriously. He was just like some guy I didn't know. And he looked a bit pudgy to me. Probably all the drinking and how he is probably not working out as much. (And how he's eating out all the time because he is SO COOL let me tell ya. Running away from everything and living a rebellious teenage life is so cool.)

He would be SO lucky if I ever took him back.

Before I saw the pictures I was feeling a tad sad because we were eating out in a restaurant that WH and I had been in probably 7 months ago. It was a decent day we had had, and it was sad to be in the same place again-- a romantic restaurant-- and realize that I was so far from it.

But that's not missing WH. That's missing a partner. And he is NOT my partner right now!

[newmama]

Gatsby, I am sorry to hear this info about your H--yeah; an accommodating email is not necessary is it??

If he doesn't want to be involved with your baby then he doesn't deserve to even know when she is born!! Thank God for your ILs and your SIL is awesome!! Mine is great too!

Now I don't doubt for a minute that your H will be back once he gets his head out of his a$$! NC will help your feelings become dormant eventually.

This is really hard but you are a strong, amazing woman who is VERY EXPENSIVE!!

[gatsby11]

Yes. Girl and I both are verrrry expensive.

I realized that I haven't quite been in straight NC for the past month. He and I have been "friendly" emailing. That's why I was feeling so nice. You're right, NM, true NC will help.

Ok, now it's so late for me and it's time for bed! Good night.

[gatsby11]

Of course I had a dream about this last night! I dreamt that I saw him face-to-face in his apartment. People were in and out and he was getting texts about doing stuff through the whole convo. It started out nice, but when I got to the point about him seeing the baby and he started waffling, I got upset. I just really gave it to him- how awful, cowardly, etc he was. Then I looked out the window, saw some people, and started shouting out to them what he was doing. Then he went to another window and jumped to the ground. I got down there and suddenly tried to be helpful. I was saying, "It's okay, love, we'll figure this out," but then his eyes rolled back.

So it was not a pleasant dream.

(Also the way he looked was not the way he looks now. I swear I don't know who that guy is that I saw in yesterday's pictures. In the dream he looked like I remember him from a few years ago.)

It's just frustrating, I think. To have someone doing something so awful and not being able to do much at all. . .

But maybe when he speaks/writes to me directly he will be open to meeting her. I'm only hearing through others that he isn't. And it may be more significant to tell me.

So I'm going to wait until Tuesday and then I'm going to send the email I have drafted with some revisions. And we'll see what happens.

[gatsby11]

So I decided. I want to call him after she's born. I want him to come to the hospital and see her maybe 3-4 hours afterward. I want his sister/mom to bring the baby out to see him in the lobby or hallway. They'll have 15 minutes or so, however long he wants up to 30 min probably.

Then I'm guessing he'll wonder what he should do and he'll ask them to ask me. And I'll tell him-- go home. (This is what he chose, right? I'm hoping that giving him exactly what he's been wanting will help him to suddenly regret and doubt.)

Then I'll call him the next day to see when he wants to see her again.

That's my plan. In my email, I'm not going to ask if he wants to know about labor. I'm just going to tell him that I'll let him know when she's born.

Right now, this plan gives me the most peace. It's consistent with how the pregnancy has been and it may prompt him to double-think about what he's doing.

[Babydoll]

Oh Gatsby, I am sorry he found reasons to be late and leave the graduation early! WTF!!! What is going through his head... not trying to mislead you but I would think he was trying to avoid you moreso than OP. i dont know... Very immature.

You sound like you have great IL's and that is going to be very beneficial to you. Sometimes I think our H's rely on their family to pick up the pieces where they left off or to be of support in our lives where they are unable to provide it.

I can understand looking at the picture and feeling nothing. Strange bc i went through a couple of months where i would think he is truly different to me. Now i just think, H is a jerk! an alien!

NC for a month! GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Obviously he it is working even if its just a little apparant. he is asking SIL about you and the birth? Not sure if its similar to my case but my H just told me how he feels like his entire family is unhappy with him (and i know he avoids family get togetehrs and parties) and that our friends have dropped him, and its hurtful. Says that he wishes people would have stayed out of our personal affairs and true friends should be true friends during times like these. But honestly, and i am rather honest with him, how do you expect anything different or less from people. maybe your H feels the same way?

how much longer til your due date? Will you contact him before the baby is born or when she is born?

keep the faith... you've worked to hard to give up now!!!

[gatsby11]

Hey BD!

Good point about WH avoiding family because they have 'dropped' him. My ILs haven't dropped him exactly, but they definitely don't approve. And I bet he does sense that. He totally avoids them-- I wasn't at the Friday graduation! So he wasn't avoiding me. He was totally being rude to them. (I was glad that they felt the insane alienness directly!) And, yes, WH is relying on his family to pick up his pieces. And at least SIL is getting resentful about it! (Not anything against me, just anger against him.)

My NC period was more like two months, ha! It was only in the last month that we had more positive interactions. So... I don't know if I can call it working or not because he said from the very beginning he wanted us to be "friends." He wanted us to stay best friends. Just not married. And with him not having a baby. Soooo, he still hasn't budged from that.

I'll be 38 weeks on Friday. Due date is June 14. Hoping she arrives a tad early, like the 11th. Pretty excited, pretty freaked out, I don't know, it's weird. Are you 5 weeks behind me or less than that? What are you feeling?

I've got my email drafted up that is 30% like my first draft and 70% like my second. I am planning on sending it out tomorrow around 10ish. (It's so funny how planned I have it!) We shall see how he responds. I address the first meeting and her name. oh, and I'll have someone contact him after she's born.

Fun times! Dealing with a runaway father, oh boy.

See ya!

[newmama]

I've got my email drafted up that is 30% like my first draft and 70% like my second. I am planning on sending it out tomorrow around 10ish. (It's so funny how planned I have it!)

But very wise of you!!! Careful planning and strategic moves may just be your secret to saving your marriage!

[gatsby11]

Hey NM! I hope my planning helps the situation all-around. Time will tell!

I'm watching Real Housewives of NJ which is of course crap, but one chick is having a baby. So that's fun to watch. It makes me feel better about what's about to happen!

Thanks for dropping by. . .