Busy day.. seems it doesn't matter much.. it was quite around "here".
Anyway...
"This got missed I think. Being brutally honest with you and with him is how I read that. Be honest. Not mean or vindictive. But honest. Not for a "goal" but for the sake of being honest. You have nothing to lose on that front. Being honest will always be the right thing to do even when painful at the moment."
Yes.. spot on.
"And remember that you have to work on you before you can work on anything else. Really. And you're worth it!"
And you don't know.. how many people come here and argue the point. Every poster "here" that "made it" will tell you.. that is exactly what "saved" them.
"history makes it really hard."
No.. just a tiny bit. It makes it hard right now because of all the "Emotion" you are throwing at it. I know this sounds harsh but it is your mind.. and what you are thinking about that keeps this cycle going. He is not in the picture. He has moved out. You are interrupting based on your past inferences. This legal process is a completely separate thing. You ALWAYS ask for more than you expect to get. It is like buying a car. They over price it with the full intention of coming to you. The last thing you want to do is show up in a court room acting like you are now. Why do you think the dress up the murderer's and "bad people".
"yes, i can be. i won't deny that."
As much as you feel it will help you.. I assure you it will have the opposite effect. This you need to change. It has no place in DB'ing.
"i'm sure it will cycle."
Again.. stop the cycling. It's hard.. find something that will do it. This is priority #1 after sleeping and eating.
"his digging is showing his stupidity."
Stupid is as Stupid does?
"i mean, i don't want to be a doormat. and go 'ok, you can have all that stuff back."
This I agree with. I hope to never have my advice put you into that position. Firm.. Smart.. Solid choices. You get that from me.. cause I am not "stuck" where you are. I can give a fresh perspective. You do with it what you want. "This" is where I function best. I have been here once or twice before. <-- little sarcasm there.
"can you expand on why thinking about your GAL activity made your hands hurt?"
The thing that worked for me was hitting softballs as the batting cage. I am not a "sporty" guy. When all this was happening to me they had just opened a sports park close to where I live. I found that I really got a kick out of just "killing" the slow moving softballs with the shortest bat I could find. I got really good at it. I could place that ball anywhere I wanted to. Hit the poles.. the throwing machine.. the flag on top of the pitching area.. whatever. The short bat really transfers a lot of energy back to your hands. Needless to say after a couple of hours of this.. all you could possibly think about was your hands. I financed that place I think. At the very least they owe me some free games.
"and i thought when you GAL, you're supposed to act as if you are not hurting at all. why did you let your pain show on your face?"
Well.. the GAL activity should.. when you find the right thing.. show you are not hurting at all. The reason is because it takes your mind out of the situation. I have used the "drive by slapping" analogy before. Imagine yourself walking with your friends having a good time. You are chatting and laughing and just having a fantastic time. I walk up and slap you right across the face... and take off running never to be seen again. For the next few.. mins/hours all you are gonna be able to think about is me slapping you. With my actions.. I changed your thought process. The idea behind that.. is what a GAL activity should do to you when you find yourself confronted with a "bad" situation. It should take your mind off of what is going on. Kinda like a Twix break. It gives you a chance to recenter and think.. about what to do next. I know it seems like a negative thing.. but it does not have to be. Some people run until they fall down. Some people plant flowers. Whatever it is the goal is when you think about it.. it is really hard to think about anything else. By doing that.. it allows you to react with "No Emotion".
Anyway.. I am gonna take a break.
As Coach pointed out there are some things you need to work on.
This is the stuff you need to absorb.. and understand.
All of us posting here can't be wrong. And when you really look at it.. we are all saying the exact same thing. The message won't change.. even if you fight it. It has worked.. for people that were in much worse places then you are. You just have to choose.
Hope you had a good day.
Sleep.. eat well.
And Always...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
