Thank you everyone. I need to remember that statement and to also move slowly and keep my expectations under control. And validate, do not defend self, need to make that my mantra.
The last few days our dance continues, he pulls in close and then pulls back. His work schedule has been a bit much lately and I have had to keep the kids on days that normally would have been his. I have not said anything about it, I'm not sure if I should. I want to help out, and not be nasty, but I also could use a break from being the sole-parent. However, if it is his night and he can't keep them overnight, he still comes over and does "family" time. I will get a break Saturday night and I will probably whine that I'm lonely! Maybe if I managed my days better I would get everything done that I need to do and wouldn't need the kid free time to catch up.
He went to see a very good friend this week and they talked and she told him he was very lucky to have someone understanding, she would not have. He also admitted to her that he is in the midst of a MLC. He says he has been fighting that term for a year, but finally believes it is possible. He also brought up a lot of work stuff, that he has possibly gone as far as he can with the company he works with, there are many feelings there, for the first 10 years he loved the company and the job, but after a merge with a giant company, the work enviornment has changed significantly. (I learned of the conversation from him, the friend tries to be a neutral party for H and doesn't share the conversations, so H can have some privacy of thought)
The next night at dinner he thanked me for all I do. I told him I have a good support system (here). I then told him about a ff I ran into, her H left a year ago, he wants back but after two affairs and him doing tons of financial nasty stuff, she no longer wants him back. H asked me, twice, if I would take someone back after an affair. I ignored the question, but wonder if he is talking about himself? Or me? Does he wonder about the DB get-togethers I've been to? Of course I know they are innocent, but what goes through his mind? My initial thought, though, was he has something to tell me.
Another thing that came up and I would love opinions on, is Christmas with his parents. The Sunday before Christmas H is taking the kids down to see his folks. H says I'm invited. His parents have not said anything to me, the invite was relayed through him. It would be horrible and awkward, but would it send a good message to H? Don't ask me what I want, I'd love to never have to deal with the IL issue again, but I'm looking at the big picture. I also don't want to ask H, "do you want me there?" I think that is a wimpy way out of it and I should make the decision on my own. So what does your gut tell you? Do I stay or do I go? Do I break into the 80s song?
