LOL , for the first couple years the only interaction we had was him making idle threats that I laughed about. There was one incident a few years back where I passed him in the hallway of an apartment complex I happened to be working at and he muttered something under his breath. But basically he's all mouth.
We've been together it would have been 14 years this August 18th.
As far as your question about her and him having regular sex ?? I mean no disrespect but the very idea is laughable. She DESPISED him for the first several years after she left him, then he was galavanting all around the Country /Area/Whatever, then we lived in Florida 1200 miles away from him. This renewed contact with him is within the last 60 days MAX, I KNOW for certain.
While you did mention in passing you were not legally married you did not mention in a clear fashion your "W" has been married to another man for over a decade.
Honestly, there is not a reason in the world for your "W" to remain married to her H and be with you and have children with you for 14 years. IMO that about says it all.
And really, why *would* your W have to do anything different. Legally, other than custody, there is not a thing you can do. Unless you had a formal common law marriage decree drawn up she is nothing more than your GF in the eyes of the law.
I have to ask... how in the world could you be comfortable living and having children with a woman for so long while she was married to somebody else?
The terms "husband and wife" are so sacred. The fact that she called you her husband while she was married to somebody else, even if only in name, is terrible!
Personally I don't think it was the fact that you weren't M that's the issue. It's the fact that your W was still M. I understand the whole being in love bit, but I guess it's a little hard to understand how you could be introduced as her "husband" when she was still married to someone else.
But that's just me.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sorry sandi but with all due respect , I havent practiced religion for 20 YEARS !
I'm just saying what we talked about in your other thread. You were the one who brought up about God, ending the pain, suffering, etc. You even said you had much "pride" in your kids and your "beautiful wife" by your side.
I have been telling you that having more than one thread running at the same time is hard to keep track, so I know I missed the part about you not being M, but I was mostly reading the other thread.
Anyway, I don't think this has so much to do with the bad character of the OM, but what kind of character you have. You do not have to be religious in order to have honor, and you sure didn't honor anyone that you love by living out of wedlock and having two children.
Have you even thought about what you would tell your children? Are you going to explain to them what a bad person the OM was? Somehow I don't think that will be enough. Just remember what goes around....comes around.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree about it then sandi.
My personal concept of honor does not include having a sliver of respect for a " man " that raises his hands to a woman under ANY circumstances except for life and death.
I most certainly honored her and our relatonship by remaining faithful , always supporting , respecting , trusting and loving her to the best of my abilities. Even if on occasion my abilities fell short of my heartfelt feelings.
I have already considerd my children. They will be told the TRUTH as appropriate to their age(s) when it comes up.
Mommy and Daddy love them VERY VERY MUCH, and NONE of this is their fault in ANY WAY, and sometimes no matter how hard we try, people sometimes just cant get along and be a Mommy and Daddy together anymore.
Believe me, my heart is ACHING for robbing my children of the chance to have a loving , intact , two parent family more then anyone can possibly understand. I have already accepted my responsibility for not being as attentive as I could have and should have been. I am OVERWHELMED at all the things Im going to have to replace in my daughters life being the Mommy and the Daddy at the same time. She just this year completed her first year of Brownie's and LOVED IT. Hopefully by the end of the summer things will have cooled down enough where my WAW can begin to at least be friendly and civil enough to be around us and do things with her daughter without resenting me. I forsee LOTS of tears in my future for my daughter and its breaking my heart. Im alread struggling with the fact that Im going to have to explain to her why she wont be living with Mommy.
About the abuse issue. Have you ever seen anything that showed that or is it just something she told you? It seems odd that she would still stay in contact with someone over the course of your R that she was in an abusive R with.
Not saying that it didn't happen, but we've seen it many times on the board here where the spouses accuse something that isn't true or isn't to the extent of their accusations.
I know your child is very young. Was the child planned or was it something that "just happened". Something might have triggered in her as a result of that pregnancy.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Do you mean about when SHE was molested as a child ? Or do you mean the abuse at the hands of the EX ?
If you mean her childhood, obviously I didnt witness any of it, only heard it through her side of the family, including a younger female cousin she was pretty close with who accused the same relative of the same acts. I do remember going as far as contacting the Detectives that handled " cold cases" in the jurisdiction where it happend back in 2004 or so and they did in fact have a case file on something that met the proper names and time frames, but without her explicit permission there wasnt anything they could do to re open it. Seems half the family believes it did in fact happen and the other half doesnt.
If your talking about her EX , then that would have been strictly coming from her , her mother , her aunt and uncle that she lived with awhile t escape him (and her Uncle is definetly a straight shooter), etc. Plus my knowledge of her utter hatred of him for several years in the beginning.
Keep in mind , she DIDNT " keep in contact with the EX" other then to discuss issues with their kids and even that was RARE since he didnt have custody either. I mentioned a couple posts back he was TOTALLY out of the picture , living no where near us, in his own little world, doing his own little things for the vast majority of our almost 14 year relationship. This renewed contact with him has only come about within the last couple months Im CERTAIN and probably wouldnt have fazed her in the least if we werent already experiencing problems.
He pursued her for at least the first two to three years of our relationship regularly, only to be turned down cold every time.Like any predator will, he smelled blood and vulnerability from the wounds I inflicted and moved in for the kill and seemingly succeeded, at least for now.
As to OUR kids , our daughter is nearly 6 and our son is 7 mos old. I think there is something going on with regards to the pregancy , maybe hormones maybe post partum ? Maybe MLC ? I know she wasnt happy to find out that for medical reasons she couldnt have any more children.
She has a regularly scheduled OBGYN appt Thur or Fri. I already stopped and talked to the Doc last week and gave him the Cliffs Notes of whats been going on and practically begging him to really ask probing questions of her. Even our close mutual friend that has a backround in nursing said she believes theres a component of post partum at play here.
