embracing change

[newmama]

Wow, gardner is onto something! pretty smart. Did your H give a good reason for why he is working less?

[CityGirl]

In the US even if you do a collaborative divorce you are still required to submit several years of past tax statements. We had to submit the past three years. Support will be based off that, not a recent change in income (at least here).

[flowmom]

Yes, I think his tax records will show the picture of a pretty consistent pattern of income. I don't think there's anything I can do about his current earning choices. Right now he's trying to maximize his earning to pay off our debt but once that's more under control he'll be wanting to slack off.

I'm not totally clear how things work with my L. I asked her a question by email and got no response, so I probably have to do more homework so that I am set up to get help from her.

[flowmom]

Interesting. I met H at a homelearner gathering to exchange the children and he acted more natural and smiley around me. Didn`t seem like he was trying to run off. That`s the second time that I`ve seen a big difference in the vibe when I interact with him away from home. I wonder if it`s something about having an audience. The homeschooling moms were watching us (not V. though) so maybe he was in ``charm mode` rather than put-upon STBXH mode.

[courageous wife]

Hi FM

Thanks for checking on me!

Sounds like an audience may make a difference in how he interacts. Just keep watching...

You are doing good!

[rr22]

Public face could be a factor. Yes.

[flowmom]

<scratching head>

I let H know that I used a line of credit due to a short-term cash crunch and he replied in an email:

Thank you for telling me this. In order to keep things clean, is there any way that you could use the 'old' line of credit to cover shortfalls and cash crunches? I think it will make reaching a financial plan/agreement much easier to reach and require far less forensic accounting

I'm left wondering what the heck he thinks is going to happen? Yes, we are "separated", but we have no legal agreements in place and as far as I know any debt that either of us incurs is still "joint". Am I missing something? We just consolidated our debt so I think maybe he thinks that puts us at a "clean slate" where as long as he gives me a monthly amount of money that he's come up with (with no explanation), he feels that any debt that I incur is my problem only? Even though I am being pretty frugal and mostly spending money on expenses that we've agreed on. And I'm not the one spending an extra $1000/mo on rent plus buying new furniture, stereo, printer, etc.

Either he has a L with a strategy, or he hasn't really gotten "real" legal advice, or I am seriously confused.

And yes, after no mention of D for a very long time...I consider this a pretty clear indication of his intention to D (not that I'm surprised).

[flowmom]

Part of me still can't believe that I'm getting divorced

[Vulcanized]

I so feel you, babydoll.

[Mila]

Hi flow,

Do you have a legal separation agreement in place? I think after what he had just implied I would check into it pretty quickly. Forensic accounting could be very expensive...

You are a strong and courageous lady and a great mom. Hang in there


(((hugs)))