Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

trying to figure out how all of the new me fits together. it is confusing....

also - trying to figure out what to do with my time. i come home, take care of dinner and then dont know what to do. i am pretty good at TASK's so often all my task are done. Flowers are pruned, weeds pretty much plucked (Though that is an on going battle.) I just dont know what to do with my time.

My daughter is only 13.. yes she could be home alone... but i dont want to leave her alone. TOO many teens are alone too much... so what do i do with this evenning time?

it is wierd it is hard again.. evenning time.

I have a house now again- and it is like I am having a hard time this summer settling in. My normal summer routine is beer and pool. This summer that will be a little different.. the pool isn't within walking distance like it was at the apt. ... and I dont drink like I did (Which BOTH are good things!HA!) but it is a NEW adjustment and change.. I just have to figure it out.

Lots of me changes lately.

For those of you reading and wondering.. oh my x is off and quiet.. which is normal. He is in his own world. HE will have his weekend pick up and pretend he is a father on Friday - and have d13 back Sunday evenning. I have already told d13 that she can spend time with him .. even stay the night sunday if she wants.. she says "nahh". we will see what happens when it all comes around.

I feel like my depression is a bit heavier lately. I believe I am finally morning. (sorry about the spelling). It has only taken me 3 years to get here (kidding) but it is like I know.. it is done.

I sill believe in God - in what HE can do if someone is willing. My x is not willing. He had not only changed, but completely run from who he was. Even d13 sees it.. she mentions things every now and then... like "he is so different"...

sorry i am babbling..just so much on my mind..

so many days of hurt and saddness. I want to feel whole and complete again. Since he left there has been a huge hole in me... God IS filling it.. it is just still so empty...

NOt going to wallow. Just venting.