Thank you all for helping me through my rough patch. It just really got to me, what H said, but when he next called and stopped by, I put on a happy face and that seemed to get me through it. We did revisit the T visit last night, and what a different conversation than before, I did not get defensive (so, it can be done), I tried to validate and listen to what he had to say.
Nik, it took me about a day to realize what you said, I can't let others tell me who I am. I vented to my boss (I was her nanny at one point and lived there for a bit, so they have known me well for 10 years) and she also reaffirmed that I'm basically a positive person, but living with Mr. Grumps could make anyone unhappy. Now, why I needed everyone else to counter what H said, I don't know, but I did get through it.
Sage, wow, what a post, many great points. I have been guilty in the past of letting little things get in my way, or get me angry and frustrated when they really don't amount to much and Wed. night I was antsy to get the boys out of the house so I could return movies. Small little errand, but I had it blown out of porportion. I have been gtting better at letting go of the things that don't matter so much.
I do think there is a big mars/venus element to the venting and talking about things. Seems to tie in with the HSP, I like to look at things from many angles, talk about it, discuss it and then make a decision. H may interpret all this talk as me being unhappy. I don't know if I train him that this is just talk, tell him at the beginning of a conversation that I'm only venting or find other outlets for venting.
Quite possibly the "you are unhappy" is his way of saying he can't make me happy. Last night he talked about what I could possibly need to be happy and wanted to know what he could do to help. Big change from Wednesday/Thursday fiasco. We talked about me going for a doctorate and also that before my continuing schooling was not possible as we usually moved every two years or so. He has decided that he likes where he is and does not want to move up the corporate ladder. So pursuing another degree could be possible.
Manisha, I think you are right on giving this time. T is probably doing some validating and throwing out possiblities and I'm hearing H's interpretation of that. That was also interpreted while he was annoyed at me, a nasty combination. I can only work on me at this point, have to remember that!
Curious weekend. Had male friend of ours (used to work with H) staying here this weekend. Came out H was annoyed I gave MF garage door opener for his side. H made some comment, and instead of letting it go and fuming, I said, ouch, that hurt, and he explained that he thought I was real quick to give out the remote for his side of the garage(we have two), I explained that it was easier than giving a key and the situation was difused. I forget H is so sensitive to everything. I don't think he is pleased MF is staying here, but I think part of it is disapointment with himself that MF is helping me shovel and not him.
But, the 13 inches of snow had a benefit. H stayed the night for first time on Friday. MF had to be at black belt test early Sat morning, H has four wheel drive and we really didn't want MF to shovel before test. So H stayed to help, nice having a warm body in the bed that is not a dog!
So a nice weekend. H is again talking about going on a Disney vacation, as a whole family. He also said one of the first questions T asked him was if he thought our m was saveable, he said yes.
So some good steps, but I think we have a long way to go, but at least we are starting.
