My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[rr22]

timeheals: Maybe he is just depressed because he can't run away to planet fruitopia with the OW on his magic unicorn?



LOL!

And I think you are right.

[rr22]

awest: To clarify, I am saying until he fixes his main problem, which is the depression. The symptoms will keep coming back. OW may go to the other side of the country and he will just find another one, or maybe he will turn to drinking or some other horrible behavior, but in any of those cases, until he gets help for himself, the other symptoms will keep coming.


ditto.

[rr22]

nicole, if you don't mind, can you please post what IC says about how to deal with depressive or existential angst or deluded tirades about the pointlessness of it all or blamefests against others?

[nicole8]

Well no word from my h yesterday. He has just in the last couple of days become more grumpy and doesn't care to "chit chat" with me anymore. What a jerk. I really don't know who he is anymore and I am just going to be "dark" I guess. I am very excited to hear what the ic says to do.

[nicole8]

I enjoyed talking with my ic. She listens to me and asks questions. She does also think my h is depressed and I should talk with his mom. I should tell her that even though we are divorcing I am still concerned by what he has been saying. She also said maybe the h would get help by seeing a grief counselor?he does need to see someone though. I told her that I think he thinks his life will be perfect if he is d and with the ow. She said that doesn't make sense. Yes, I know it doesn't

I also asked why he gets the lump in his throat around me and if it was because I am the reality he is running from and she said yes.

Basically she said I need to decide what I want and how long I want to wait for him to maybe "wake up". I don't even know if he is filing this week or not. No clue. He is supposably mad at me. Ic said mood swings up and down with anger are typical... Oh joy!

She asked if I tried telling him what I need... I told her I don't think he cares. I have in the past said things like he is running or being a coward and it angers him. She said that might not be a bad thing... She said I might also not initiate contact with him.

So I am just living nicole's life with her awesome dog(who I tell every night that his dad loves him he just forgot). I told the ic that I take it day by day.... Best I can do for now . She said I was strong and that I need to take care of myself.

[TimeHeals]

Hang in there nicole!

Yesterday, my W said she is filing today. She is mad as heck because she sent a note saying how this was better for both of us (blah, blan--you know the script) and "we both made mistakes", and I responded a couple of hours later that "we did both make mistakes, but I have owned my mistakes, and I didn't involve a third party".


She then sent about 6 emails, made a phone call (I has in a teleconference and couldn't pick up), and then tried to call my mom twice. Very angry that I stood up to her on that one

Don't get too down. As you can see, some folks will not own the choices they make.

So I am just living nicole's life with her awesome dog(who I tell every night that his dad loves him he just forgot).

My oldest dog (I have two), still looks for the STBXW to come home every night. That still sometimes chokes me up, but more than anything it makes me really like him because I know he bonds deeply.

I told the ic that I take it day by day

You and me both. Hopefully, as time marches on, day-by-day will evolve to where both of us can make some plans for ourselves on our own terms. The only thing stopping either one of us from doing that is that we have been too focused on what has happened in our Ms.

Not a lot of advice today. Not a lot of insight either. Just felt a sense of comradery. Sometimes it helps to know that others are going through the same thing.

[rr22]

IC visit sounds like it went well. Hopefully you can go back again. Soundds like she had some good advice on thinking about a timeline for yourself since he is unable to get a timeline for himself right now. Here's a virtual bone @-@ for your dog. Does that look like a bone?

[nicole8]

I have no clue if my h has filed the divorce papers he picked up from me on 23rd. Later that day he told me he didn't care to "chit chat" any longer and that we could just talk through lawyers. Apparently he was mad at me for something. For what, I have no clue. He did say I was holding the papers and dragging things out. Interesting, I signed them the week before and he knew they were at the house signed and ready for him to pick up. Was I suppose to sign them and deliver them to him on a silver platter? WTF?

I didn't contact him this whole week....nothing at all. Then this morning he sent me two text messages. The first asked "do you hate me" and the second was "you not talking to me at all anymore".... I didn't respond to either of them. Mostly, because I don't have any clue what to even say!

[TimeHeals]

Yeah, it's confusing, isn't it?

It's hard to remember that they are grieving too because they are the ones that wanted a divorce.

I think you and I are about in the same place with our STBXs: they have filed (I will be served this coming week, you have already signed), the "should I stay or should I go", limboland dance is ending, and now it's all about contacts to remind us that it is happening or over guilt or sadness.

I don't know know how you respond to those type of notes either.
If I had to answer them, the honest answer would be "No, I don't hate you, but I am grieving the loss of my M in my own way, and No, I don't see any reason for idle chit chat just because you are feeling sad or guilty".

But I wouldn't send those responses because it would just set me back. Maybe ask your IC.

It is weird how we, in our grieving, find it hard to imagine our WAS is grieving too, and how they cannot seem to understand we are grieving as well. It's a total disconnect.

[nicole8]

I actually have no clue if my h has filed.... I don't really feel like asking about it though. Seems like that is pursuing, maybe not. I find it very interesting that a week ago he didn't want to talk with me at all and he said we could just talk through lawyers.

But now he wants to text me again. Today he asked "how is the house". I told him I didn't even know how to respond to that. He then asked if it was still standing. I told him yes, but then he asked what I meant by my other comment. I ignored it. But what I really wanted to tell him is that Yes, the house is standing but there are numerous things that need to be done and you have left and abandoned me and all responsibility that goes with the house....really what does he think?

I am at a loss on what to do...