Could be anything for all I know. She did say to me last week when I first questioned her about why she was at his place that our sitch had made her realize that she had somethings to say to him that needed saying about their relationship. Sounded reasonable at the time. Suffice to say she has been lying to EVERYONE. Telling EVERONE she has her own place.
I was talking with my neighbor today , who has a degree in psychology and also a deep faith and has acted as a sounding board for each of us as individuals. I told her what I had learned and she was STUNNED and seemingly a little hurt that my WAW had created such an elaborate fabrication. Then she reminded me of another incident from last week when my WAW took just my daughter overnight to " her place " ( sarcascm) and spent the next day with her. The neighbor commented on how elaborately my WAW had told her about all the stuff that needed to be done , turned on , cleaned , heck she even invented names for her new neighbors ! ( or for all I know their the real neighborsof her ex.
When I came back home I gently and nonchalantly mentioned this other earlier occasionto my daughter and she confirmed that was at the Ex Abusers house also !
Is her ex seeing someone? I understand your feelings, but it seems like she's going back to seeing what it would be like to be a family again with her H.
It would help if you put your vitals in the signature line, but what ages are you and your W? It could be she's going through a MLC and she actually has felt guilty about "cheating" on her H all these years and didn't want to hurt you so she couldn't say 'no'.
All of this is speculation, but it just seems a little odd that she's been M to this man this whole time and you didn't say anything about it. Or did you? It almost seems like it was an escape door for her and that you were a second choice or else she would have closed the book on her R with her H.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The neighbor totally validated my concerns for the kids well being with this person with a violent history, but thought that if I applied for sole custody it would SURERLY destroy ANY possibility of a reconciliation even LONG in the future , if thats what I decided I ultimately want to do. She thought Joint Custody with me as primary , with an explanation for why and my concerns might be "softer" and not as damaging. Im considering it , but not sure. I KNOW I dont want my kids ANYWHERE near this clown.
It just struck me literally as I write this. In an odd way Im actually envisioning the possibility that there may NEVER be a future for us. And where yesterday prior to what I know now that would most certainly bring grief racked sobs, and yes it will still hurt for a LONG time to come, Im mostly sad for my kids and the promise they had of being blessed with a two parent family, something that was INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT to me.
Interestingly enough, a guy I know that is also trained as a counselor , I was talking to yesterday prior to all this. And he asked me what else could have happened besides this that would have gotten my attention in such a profound way. And the answer is obviously NOTHING. So I called him this morning , chewing over this new information and he asked the same question. What else other then me filing for custody, turning off her cell phone and taking back my truck would get her attention ? And the honest answer is in my mind at least. Nothing !
A good friend of our from Floida just called me an hour ago , checking to see how I was doing and how things were going. When I told him what I found out, as predicted he was shocked an speechless. He had been considering reaching out to her to see if he could somehow be a conduit and he actually told me now he's not going to , becuase " if I talk to her and she starts blowing smoke up my butt like that , now that I know the facts , Im going to call her on it !"
So thats another person she has lost the respect of , if she even cares
I told him I appreciated his support and letting me dump on him the last several days and I did encourage him to call her on it at some point , once I have the custody situation under control.
I just turned 37 this April , she will turn 32 June 2nd.
She has told everyone including me that the Ex is in a committed realtionship with someone else, claims she has even met and spoken to this woman/girl and that he had become a much better person as a result. She even went so far as to wail at me about the unfairness of the only two LTR's she's ever had turned out terrible and with her hurt and someone else getting the benefit of her efforts and tribulations ( my words)
But when I did my scouting mission last night , the only vehicles present were MY truck and his. I guess someone else could have been there. But my daughter didnt say anything about meeting someone else or seeing anyone there and its a awfully big stretch for me to believe if he actually IS in an LTR with someone else that she would be ok with his ex sacking out on the couch and moving in with them with her two kids. Then again I guess stranger situations have existed before.....
Uhhhhh I dunno to be honest. I mean she always introduced me as her husband. It was something that just somehow became a habit after being together for so long. Im sure there were one or two that knew she never divorced, but I'd say most never had a clue.
I dont know. I've thought about that, since their two kids ( twin girls ) are 15 now and will be able to be out on their own in another 3 years.
Which is a whole NOTHER issue. My daughter adores her "big sissie's " and I always considered them mine as well.I've know them since they were infants. Now I have to wonder if I'll ever see them again. And what are THEY thinking about this twisted situation ? All they've talked about for the last couple years was being able to get away from home and live with me and the WAW.
This is one of the reasons I've asked you to stick to one thread. Remember the things we talked about in your other thread......those things about God, family, suffering, pride, etc.? You never once mentioned the fact you were not M to this woman. Don't you think THAT would matter to God? Forget pride, man.....you have lived in adultry all these years and had two children out of wedlock. What kind of father has two children and never M their mother? Yeah, maybe God is going to allow you to hurt for a time, IDK. It's not God's fault that you adults did not honor His laws nor man's law. On second thought, you did have a lot of pride!
The tragic thing is the little kids who hurt from all the screw-ups of their parents.
I'm not preaching at you, but I'm trying to make you understand that you have not been honest with us and you haven't been honest with God. Do your children think they were born to parents who were M? Maybe you have not been honest with them, either. These are some issues you need to get straighten out before you can expect very much positive action in your life. God can't continue to bless someone who dishonors His ways b/c that would compromise His integrity.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
How often did you interact with her H? Did you ever talk to him before?
Sorry if I missed it, but how long have you two been going out?
It would seem that if she started calling you her H in front of people, then she's got some issues. That should have been a huge red flag. Honestly, how do you know that she hasn't been having regular sex with her H? Not to be too direct or anything, but he is her H.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sorry sandi but with all due respect , I havent practiced religion for 20 YEARS ! Mostly due to the fact that I have a REALLY hard time respecting or supporting an organization that played " Hide a Child Molester " for decades and actively participated in perpetuating one of the most evil acts I can think of, against the most innocent and helpless of victms.
Im just now rediscovering things in a new light then what I remember from twenty years ago. So you'll forgive me if Im not about to apologize for " living in sin " with someone I was deeply in love with. All three of the kids ( her two and our one , my son is only 7 mos old) were NEVER lied to. They knew us as Mom and Dad. The older two certainly knew they would be included in the wedding that will never be, but with all due respect your reply feels a bit harsher then necessary.
Im not about to go hunting the other threads to confirm it, but I strongly disagree that I mislead ANYONE here, I state more then once we werent married. Unless your talking about some alleged inappropriate use of the WAW thing. Which all things being considered I always did and still do consider her that way in practice if not by law.
