If you took XH back, could you still be the real you and work on that relationship?
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Walking-glad to hear that you have found the person that you were! Have you considered taking your xh back? Was he mlc?
Sorry for this hi-jack M&H but I should answer these questions because they are important for the LBS on this journey.
See, here’s the thing. I don’t know if my H was in MLC or not. Hell, maybe I was in MLC – certainly the woman I was when our sitch started and the woman I am now are two different people . I do know that we both went through a horrible and very sad life crisis during our separation and divorce and we both had to go through a process of meeting our demons, dealing with them and learning to live for ourselves again.
Thing is, my x hasn’t really done the work. He remarried very quickly (he told me “I’m sorry V, I just can’t live alone.”) that marriage lasted about 18 months before the wheels fell off. He hasn’t even really used that experience to grow.
I love my xhusband. He’s a fabulous man and he raised fabulous kids. He’s kind, funny and very successful – but he’s a boy emotionally and I don’t want that anymore. I have more faith in myself now and frankly my standards are higher.
We will always be great friends and we’ll always be in contact because we both love his children (and they won’t let me out of their lives god bless them) but I’ll never be with him again. That’s sad – and it’s taken me a while to really understand that, particularly because I know we could be together if I chose it.
Twice he’s told me that “we are the break up that never should have happened.” The first time was about 2 months post bomb and the second time was about 3 months ago. It strikes me that line has been going around in his head for 4 years (poor bugger!)!!
My next long term relationship will be with someone who shares my passions, understands and respects my lifestyle, supports my interests and respects the space I need to live my life. My x doesn’t share my passions – he humours me about them – that’s really the deal breaker for me.
The thing I’ve learned on this journey is that I’ll be OK. I’m a grown up and I’m strong and as long as I’m being the best me I can be, my life is going to be fabulous. If there’s a man in it, that’s a happy add-on. If not – I’m OK with that too because there is enough other stuff in my life to satisfy me and keep me happy and focussed.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
