Need to remember that basic DBing principal that if what you are going to do or say will not get you closer to your goal (getting your R back on track) then don't do it. If it will get you closer to your goal then go ahead and do it.
This one thing has kept me from doing and saying a lot of things to C these last few months and I believe has helped my sitch a lot. Once she is more committed to rebuilding our R then there will be time to work on my issues, until then anything in that area will just drive her away. This principal I believe is true for anyone trying to DB and bring their relationship back on track.
I get so caught up in defend me mode
I never defended myself at all - anything she said I acknowledged as true I only stated that while I did (whatever) I did not do it with the intention of hurting her. I then went to something positive in the conversation. This seem to take the wind out of her sails and did prevent several arguments.
Good luck in your sitch. and I also see lots of positives.
