--------------- OK, spite is an emotion, an intention. If you expose an affair, and he's so humiliated he has no choice but to come back and work on his marriage to save public image... is that spite at work there at all?
Exposure is an act some of us on here recommend in order to do DAMAGE to the infidelity.
Infidelity survives on three things much like a flame does :
1. Sex 2. Emotion/Connectivity 3. Secrets
When you expose an affair, you take the secrets away and trade them for :
1. Sex 2. Emotion/Connectivity 3. Shame
This throws a wrench into things...
Your exposure furthermore often causes conflict between the cheating spouses. They can't deal maturely with their public embarrassment, and they end up taking it out on each other...
So you end up with
1. Sex 2. Conflict 3. Shame
I dunno about you, but most women at least, and even most men dont' feel all that excited or sexy when they are angry and fighting because they have been publically humilated.
The sex will die after that.
This is the THEORY.
The effectiveness of the exposure has a HUGE impact on how well these ingredients take damage. If you expose well then you can bet your retirement fund those two are fighting with each other... You are out of the picture since you are in LRT so they have no choice but to attack one another.. its very common... Have a look at OfficerInNeeds thread or Ken's... they both have been pushing exposure hard and its done a lot for their marriage in a positive sense.
It's not a guarantee, how you expose, and to whom makes a huge difference. But one thing is for certain - it WILL very often CHANGE the LANDSCAPE of the affair somehow.
It usually does damage to the affair.
MOST people cheating do NOT want the LBS exposing the affair publically.. why? Cause it will cause them inconvenience, upset, frustration, embarassment, generally things that aren't fun.
Expose well and you turn a secret, fun, romance into
a embarrassing, stressful, mess
In many cases, the WS will feel compelled to END the affair to get AWAY from the mess...
As long as the affair is secret, fun, and romantic, they will be inclined to continue.
Why ENABLE that?
As long as you enable and keep the affair a secret, you are PART of the affair.
Once you expose the affair
You EXIT yourself from it.. its like a ugly secret you were keeping that you want RID of... once you expose, you dont' have that unpleasant feeling anymore.
THIS is why we recommend exposure... NOT out of spite or to HURT people, but for the practical benefits outlined above - EXPOSURE CHANGES the infidelity... it changes it into something stressful more often than not.. something many WS' want to get AWAY FROM.
