Well that's a fabulous first step, solely for the reason that she was the one who suggested it.
For it to have any benefit at all, you must tell her that you are not willing to do it unless she is willing to drop that inappropriate relationship COMPLETELY. It will be a waste of time otherwise, and just give her the ability to save face by saying "Well I tried my best to save the marriage, it just didn't work out".
Be adamant about it. You will be wasting money otherwise. I wasn't adamant about dropping the OM when my W and I did Retrouvaille together, and it basically netted us nothing in the way of fixing the relationship, despite the intensity of the program.
Don't get your hopes up, keep the burden of proof on her, and make her drive the reconciliation effort. If she wants you back she has to earn you, because you will be one hell of a catch for someone else who is willing to honor and respect you. Never forget that.
Great news nonetheless. You are doing a fantastic job, keep it up.
You're right on all accounts, Pigskin.
I remember reading that you and your W did attend Retrouvaille and that it really didn't help because she didn't let it. I get the feeling that she is finally getting worried that people are finding out about all of this and realizing that she is lying. He's not "just" a friend. That's what she tells her family. I didn't want to go to such and such place and OM just happened to be there. I'm sure they want to believe her and trust their daughter. I didn't bad mouth her to her family, just told the truth.
I did tell W that the only reason I have not said anything to OM was I was not sure I could keep my cool and may have done something stupid. I told her I was in much better control of my emotions now and left it at that. I didn't say I would or wouldn't have a talk with him, just left in hang there.
If she backs off and starts talking to him again or says she won't go to counseling, confronting OM will be next and then exposure to school board and others at the school.
Not getting my hopes up. This is just the beginning, I know. She is still being a jerk, and that's okay. I expect it. I'm tired of it and ready for it to stop, but I expect it.
We'll see how it goes. I will continue to need advice and thoughts of what to expect. I guess now is when it really gets interesting.
