Need 'How to' on exposure,,,, and balls to do it

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Original thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2007613&page=1

Last post there:
Thought yesterday was going ok, went to church with her (something she does more often than I do, and I need to do more of), went to work until 6 pm, and we meet another couple at a restaurant who was watching our D8, and it seemed to go well.
Then after we got home and I got D8 and D14 to bed, she started flipping out.
She asked me last week to not call her dad the same day she was going down to see him(this is the day she went to OM place). I knew she wasn’t there, because who calls their dad for 45 minutes, when they are driving 45 minutes to see him and spend the night and could talk all night to him face to face. The next day she TM me that all was ok with dad and that he would get together later with me, hmmm, never did so I was worried , and called him, to get my concerns across to him. She said last week that she doesn’t want me to get him on my side like 5 years ago.(she wasn't there either)
“you do the opposite of everything you say, you call my dad, and don’t give me space, and follow me everywhere”, I say “follow you?”, she doesn’t say a word. (I think somehow she knows I went up there, probably someone saw me up there and told her when she went to her car, that someone was taking pictures of it). She then leaves the bedroom, and doesn’t return, I go looking at 2 am for her, and she is in D14 bed with her .(kids don’t need to be involved).
This morning both up early, so I ask her why sleeping with D14, “she knows we are having problems, she’s not stupid”. Then the one that hurt,”I don’t like being around you anymore”. She also tried to put words in my mouth by saying,”Ya, it’s always my fault, you never do anything wrong”. I did rebut this.
Also, after church she was going to get hair done, but conveniently missed that, and had 6 hours all to herself and ended up in a city half way between our house and OM’s.
Seems I am going to need to expose this EA/PA, and sooner than I wanted to (readiness, confidence, PMA, and work schedule). I desperately need to get the logistics down pat; exact boundaries, who to expose it to besides her, and when in to expose it to her and them respectively, and what to do about OM(contact him and or his family(no wife or SO) or work).
Sorry so long – but I feel like I’m under the gun now.