I had to put my horse down today. Sunny was with me for 12 years, and he was a living peice of art. 2 crystal clear blue eyes and the proudest expression. We did everything together--have seen 100s of trails, went to the mountains in GA together, drove my buggy and helped teach my young horse the ropes. He taught my son how to ride, and was always happy to go somewhere. Loaded like a dream.
He was so, so smart. I have had probably a half dozen horses over the years, and this was, bar none, the smartest one I've ever known.
I was with him until the very end, telling him how much I loved him. He left this world with a mouthful of sugar (after finishing nearly the entire box)lol. He was never afraid, which was the last gift I could give him.
He lived in a beautiful pasture, with my other young horse to boss around, and he waa given more cookies, muffins, apples, carrots, bananas and anything else I had around here....he was my chubby ole monkey.lol.
Sunny, you cannot imagine how much I will miss you. I can't believe you are gone. It feels like a dream. I remember the day I bought you--I wasn't sure if you had any personality (he was at a horse trader's place) and about a week after you got here, you let your "sunny" personality OUT!! You have made me laugh 100s of times. You have made me smile 1000s. I prayed to God for a horse like you, and because of you, I know there is a God in heaven that loves me SO much. He couldn't have made you any more perfect for me.
Rest in Peace, my beautiful boy.
Old Glory's Masterpeice aka "Sunny" April 8, 1992-May 15, 2010
Another Monday with no "meltdown", although when I returned from shopping and used bookstore and library, he asked rather tersly where I had been.
I made a nice supper and some scones (my son has decided he likes them) and we played a few games of Rummycube.
I am going to call the C's and see if I can discuss the Love and Respect book they had me read. Good book! Simple ideas, yet like the 5 LLs, makes a lot of sense.
One thing mentioned in the book that my H loves is when I sit with him and watch TV. Only thing is, he watches literally HOURS of television on his days off. I can't sit there like he does (but, I CAN surf the net for a good part of my life.lol) I usually read a book or something--need to find out if that is OK. or if that invalidates my sitting there.
I need to come up with another script--these are used all the time in the Infedelity boards. You say your script and LEAVE--there is no arguing and they are left with the last thing you say resonating in their brain. I am really going to be thinking on this one. Something like:
H, I need a man that is ...
I can't finish it. I need so many things I can't think of "the one". It needs to be very specific and I am all over the place. He doesn't touch me, doesn't say he loves me. Didn't go to church with me Sunday. Sigh.
I had to put my horse down today. Sunny was with me for 12 years, and he was a living peice of art. 2 crystal clear blue eyes and the proudest expression. We did everything together--have seen 100s of trails, went to the mountains in GA together, drove my buggy and helped teach my young horse the ropes. He taught my son how to ride, and was always happy to go somewhere. Loaded like a dream.
He was so, so smart. I have had probably a half dozen horses over the years, and this was, bar none, the smartest one I've ever known.
I was with him until the very end, telling him how much I loved him. He left this world with a mouthful of sugar (after finishing nearly the entire box)lol. He was never afraid, which was the last gift I could give him.
He lived in a beautiful pasture, with my other young horse to boss around, and he waa given more cookies, muffins, apples, carrots, bananas and anything else I had around here....he was my chubby ole monkey.lol.
Sunny, you cannot imagine how much I will miss you. I can't believe you are gone. It feels like a dream. I remember the day I bought you--I wasn't sure if you had any personality (he was at a horse trader's place) and about a week after you got here, you let your "sunny" personality OUT!! You have made me laugh 100s of times. You have made me smile 1000s. I prayed to God for a horse like you, and because of you, I know there is a God in heaven that loves me SO much. He couldn't have made you any more perfect for me.
Rest in Peace, my beautiful boy.
Old Glory's Masterpeice aka "Sunny" April 8, 1992-May 15, 2010
Well, I think today I'll be able to use Kat's wonderful script--it's an interesting Monday that is for sure!
Wow--I don't know where to start.
Ok, my H snooped in my email--something I don't think I've ever seen him do. He found an email about a friend's horse--friend cannot keep her horse, she got divorced and has pretty much nothing except this horse she's had since it was 2.
My horse is gone, I told her to bring over hers until we figure out what to do with it. We have to find it a home.
In my email I am telling her that I want to tell my H, but didn't do it yet to see if her horse would be OK here. I mentioned that he may have a "fit" but we would figure out something else. So her horse has been here 3 days and he didn't really know. I never told him about putting down my other one.
Well, he read this and blew up and it's not that he's mad about the horse, he's mad about how I did this behind his back.
I asked him "are you my friend right now?" and he said "no". I said then I can't talk to you and this is the result. I want to help out a friend, her horse isn't costing you a penny, and besides, he let a friend of HIS have a horse here for 2 years one time and it's basically the same arraingement--I'll just keep her and my friend will pay for her food until we figure out where she can go.
And also, he has a friend's old junker car here in the backyard while the friend has his OWN 5 acre place and yet he allows friend to keep his car here for, hm...6 years now??!!
So he left with S and has a dentist appointment--lots of threats, cursing, you need to leave, etc.
I felt maybe about 5 or 10 minutes of my stomach "sinking" with that sick, scared feeling. Then I called my friend and told her what happened, and that I am making a stand on this--he is NOT going to bully me and basically I think I'm ready to "die on this hill". I am so over him.
Then our financial advisor called. He is a guy I have never met face-to-face, but I have spoekn to him many times. He is a long-time friend of my H's family and he is always super, super sweet on the phone and sends us Xmas cards with a beautiful family etc.
I just sort of "confessed" what I figured he already knew from my H's dad (they go to lunch once a week and talk), that we are having horrible problems and I didn't think now was a great time to go over finances.
Well, he tells me that he and my H are very, VERY similar--I'm like, uh, have you ever been verbally abusive (figuring I would stop him in his tracks right there) and he says YES--that he has been abusive to HIS W!! I am in shock--don't believe the guy actually. He is a Christian, and he tells me that he hasn't told ANYONE about this--that he feels led to tell me!!
So we proceed to have this amazing, heart-to-heart talk and I just am so uplifted right now! He is going to tell his W what he has done, and ask her to speak to me--and...I'm just again, amazed.
Does God care about us or what??
So, it is an interesting Monday--my plan is to maybe go dark until I can figure out what I want. I have given and given and given and I'm done. My friends and their problems are more important right now. I guess that is a terrible attitude, but my H just doesn't want to work on anything and has zero respect or appreciation. I have made a ton of mistakes, but I AM TRYING. Here I am doing EVERYTHING again, and I get NOTHING from him.
I just got off the phone with the financial advisor's W--wow--so surreal. I have spoken to this guy many, many times and NEVER in my WILDEST dreams would have thought him to be this way.
She read me some things she wrote in a journal and it was like I could have written all of it.
Now, the one thing that has me a little perplexed is that she's beein going to a C since 1998. wow--I would have given up WAY before then! But she did say she had some of her own issues since her father was a C and a pastor, and he had an affair and divorced her mom, and this happened when she was a teenager--so weird. My parents divorced when I was a teen, my father had an affair....yikes!
She was very, very suprised her H spoke to me at all--I told her that I don't expect my H to ever, ever think he did/does ANYTHING wrong. I hope I impressed on her that I thought it was FABULOUS that her H owned up to all that!! But, actually, I do think that she realized that THAT was a BIGGIE!!
I think there were 3 people really blessed by all this in the end. I really do.
Wow what a full day and you aren't even half way done! It is a bit of a shock when people aren't who you thought but I think this is probably true of so many people.
I hope this confession plays out well for him and for his wife. I especially hope that is has helped you. Hope you get to use the script and gets him thinking.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
