A friend generously gave me all of her chic baby layette and clothing and bouncy chairs and everything!!! She called several weeks ago and said she was ready to part ways with these amazing cotton onsies and pajamas... winter coats, shoes! this little guy will be dressed better than I will be. Such beautiful boutique clothing... so precious... everything is so tiny!!!
H was excited when i told him several weeks ago. He knew I was going to pick up the things yesterday and sent me a text asking what she gave the baby and then said he wanted to com eby and help me sort and look through the stuff... he did... it was ok. pleasant and friendly.
I do notice when I have no expectations, when I am non-threatening, when I am not mentioning R talk, H wants to come around. If I get emotional or angry or cry, H just gets withdrawn and also says he knows i am hurt and that i am hormonal (ugghhh) and then avoids confrontation with me.
Anyways, back to the friend. She is truly beautiful, inside and out... expecting a 3 baby in the fall. We havent really talked about my sitch, as we are not really close... i know sounds strange right.
but we sat down and talked while her H carried lots of boxes to my car, and filled every seat and trunk!. She asked about my H and what was going on, i answered briefly and to the point and she listened. When I was done she said 4 years ago, when she moved across country for her H's work, left all her family and friends and career behind, her H wanted to start a family. She got pregnant right away and they were both ecstatic. Right when they were ready to announce the pregnancy to family and friends, her H dropped the bomb on her. Said ILYBINILWY and that he was leaving. I was in such shock, jaw dropped to the floor, she literally said, you can close your mouth now. I didnt even ask questions, did he leave? what happened?
All i got out of it was that it went on for 5-6 months, she felt completely blindsighted and was shocked and devastated. she gave up her entire life and was now pregnant with his child and felt like he took her happy time away from her. She never told her family as they lived across country and she didnt want them to know just in case...
she said he came around towards the end of her pregnancy, and noticed he wanted to be in her life, she didnt quite get it, but had nothing to lose.
Now over 4 years later she said they still continue to go to MC, and she IC.
i asked how did you get past the pain... how did you forgive... how are things now... do you ever get scared?
She basically said, the easy part is to fall back in love and want that person in your life bc despite what happened they ultimately are the same person you fell in love with. Said counseling helped her so much. That what worked for her is that they worked through every problem or situation as it arised. No expectations, tried to be the person he once fell in love with, and he came around slowly but surely. She also said she was so crushed that she felt like there is no way this is going to work out I need to get strong and move on and raise the baby alone and just leave him too.
Said she still has moments where she gets scared, like when buying a new home, or a new baby or new car or anything... a thought will pop into her head and she will think is he going to leave now? or tomorrow? or after we just had an argument? She seemed so at ease... so calm... went on to mention how common it is for men to go through this during a women's pregnany, and strongly made a point of saying, I dont want you to get your hopes high, just wanted to tell you i understand and it can work out for you too... so just work on you.
