WAH and LBW separated and dark

[AJM]

I had a friend who went through something almost exactly like you describe. Very similar situation, except she has a son. in-laws, etc. Know what? The in-laws didn't have as much impact as you might think. Some. The OW. There was one, kind of. Most of it was in his imagination. She tried very hard to make it work. Really. She's a great lady and didn't deserve what he gave her. In the end, he moved out. Pursued the other woman. She gave him a choice. He took the other woman. Then after a while realized he'd made a mistake, told his parents to go away, and wanted to come home. Too late. She got a life and is very happy in it without him. Really. She figured out that he is not what she wants out of life and is going to go find what she wants and will not settle for less. To do that, she figured out what it is she needs. She did that so that she could communicate it to him when the time was right. Just turns out he couldn't provide that. Too bad for him, right?

what do you mean by being brutally honest?
i'm brutally honest when i was trying to "prove my point" and it got me nowhere.

This got missed I think. Being brutally honest with you and with him is how I read that. Be honest. Not mean or vindictive. But honest. Not for a "goal" but for the sake of being honest. You have nothing to lose on that front. Being honest will always be the right thing to do even when painful at the moment.

Remember that you did have very many good times. You both saw something in each other that you liked and loved and respected. You didn't make a mistake. He stopped living up to his commitment for reasons only he knows. But you have to focus more on you. You can have acceptance of the situation, but you may not ever understand it. Same for all of us. Time to say goodbye to the previously held dreams and hopes you had with him, and instead focus on you. There will come a time when he may want to try and come back. You may or may not let him, but you will utterly fail if you cannot stand on your own two feet. It isn't fair what he is doing. His lies. His trying to cause pain. His pettiness. It just isn't fair. But it is an opportunity for you when you are ready to see it.

Focus on you. Do at least one thing for you every day. And do at least one thing for somebody other than H as well. Start with that. You are worth it and you will see that very quickly, that you have to rebuild your self-esteem. He does not define that - you do. No matter what happened between you and H, you did not deserve this - that's his craziness coming into your head. Your self-esteem is still there waiting for you to discover it.

And remember that you have to work on you before you can work on anything else. Really. And you're worth it!

AJ