Nothing fits

[mishka422]

And apparently hope was too dangerous.

I asked Gabe if he wanted to go to the grocery store tonight with me and he said he wouldn't be good company but thanks for asking. In Gabe speak that means, "I'd rather have hot coals shoved up my a$$ than spend a moment with you....the bain of my existence."

so.....like I said.....I screwed it all up with simple honesty about my own feelings and even though I was sure to be clear that this wasn't about him, it was about our lack of verbal communication that leaves me guessing all the time, it was just enough to break the fragile situation we are in.

Lesson learned. Don't get emotional about anything, ever or it will bit you in the a$$.

Back to solitude.

[kat727]

You were brave opening your heart. Don't think otherwise. You said that you have a hard time reading Gabe right now. so don't read him. I read something recently that if you hold hands while having an argument, it helps it not be much of an argument.

I think we are all a bit scared to put ourselves out there again. To take a chance and know that we might get hurt. You know what though, if we never try, we never fail. If we never try we never succeed. Even when it looks as if we ruined everything, the other person might just surprise us.

hugs, kat

[glamgirl]

Mishka sorry about your convo with Gabe. There is nothing wrong with being honest, but since you and Gabe are both real fragile right now instead of focusing on answers and questions I would focus on the moment and enjoying each other all over again.

I don't think Gabe is ready to really open up yet. That may come down the line. I am sure Gabe was hurt when you said he was using you as a booty call. He invested too much time of his life to see you as that.

Now maybe give him some space so he can warm up to you again. Do you need all those answers right now or can you enjoy the moment?

[JCJ]

Yes, don't think otherwise Mishka. If Gabe is put off by that then he is clearly not in it for the long run. Me thinks he won't be, he is just trying to sort through his feelings as much as you are. You are both taking big risks with your feelings because of the hurt that you both felt before.

In the future just say how you feel rather than make assumptions on his feelings or intentions. That was probably what riled him.

Hugs!

[mishka422]

Crisis averted....for now.

Thank you all for the words of encouragement. This is such shaky ground we are walking on but I am truly starting to see that it is worth it.

I didn't bring up the subject at all last night. He came home right as I was finishing dinner and I was getting ready to leave for grocery shopping after that. He didn't say anything to me but he was still very depressed looking and not saying more than 2 words even to Marc. I left for the store, told him goodbye and when I came back from the first two stores his car was gone. Yes, I started assuming that he was running. I'll admit it. My brain went to the darkest place and right then and there I determined that if he was going to run because I had emotions then he could just keep going. I can't live a dead, emotionless life and that includes being upset or happy! Good realization! When I got home from the 3rd store (yes people, I sometimes grocery shop in 3 different places in town to get a deal) he was back and sitting at the computer. He asked me a question about something he was reading and I walked over next to him. He reached out, pulled me toward him and hugged me super hard. He said he was sorry for the morning and I said I was sorry that what I said upset him. I didn't apologize for my feelings though. We talked a little about how we both perceive things that aren't necessarily true and that it's important to speak up. I actually told him, flat out, that I'm not a mind reader and I don't expect him to be either so please tell me when he's upset with something I do or say or if something makes him happy.

One step at a time. Painful.....but worth it.

[BobbiJo]

Yay! I didn't post last night bc I didn't know what to say...I am glad you guys are being honest with each other and opening up! And you are right, you can't live a 'gray' life, there has to be color and that includes emotions, both positive and negative!

[oldtimer]

"Lesson learned. Don't get emotional about anything, ever or it will bit you in the a$$.

Back to solitude."

One word: gag

Good job managing to give Gabe a bit of space and to let him make the first move after you shared your feelings. Gabe is allowed to have feelings too.

Ditto this a hundred times: "In the future just say how you feel rather than make assumptions on his feelings or intentions."

Finally, if you really thought that Gabe was merely using you for sex, you wouldn't have shared your feelings with him. Stop playing games with yourself and with him.

[Kalni]

mish,
you dont want to spend the rest of yoru life walking on eggshels.So, I dont agree at all with keeping things inside and being careful not to spook him. He is there because he wants to and his part of the job includes dealing with your feelings. I see you second guessing yourself and although I know your mind plays games with you now, I wouldnt hold back a thing. Honest and straight forward communication is important to avoid mistakes of the past. Just be careful not to accuse and to mind read as you said.

I never believed you were done either. Join the group
Hugs
K

[kat727]

Good job!! Glad you got your feelings out there. We certaily will not always present them in the best way but at least they get out there. Guess what...Gabe isn't a mind reader either!!

hugs, kat

[smith18]

Would you want to be like Mel Gibson in "What Women Want" and hear everything Gabe is thinking?

Much to contrary belief, us guys dont think about sex every 30 seconds.