I was awesome during the camping trip. I will be awesome on Sunday, and then I will silently dissapear.
I will not contact her. I will not ask her out.
I want her to see what she is giving up. I am confident that I have made myself a much better person, and I did it the proper way... For ME.
I am going to quietly take myself out of the equation of her confused life, and if her and I are going to be together again, she has to come to me now. I'm done with the scraps and I'm done with the games.
Way to go!! Now that is good!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I did end up getting a text from her last night telling me that she was trying to plan something for Sunday afternoon and HAD to know what time the show was ASAP. She then ended the text with "If you even want me to come over anymore..."
I replied that I had been busy and hadn't been able to check the time, but I thought it started at 6.
I then got a reply saying she was "sorry to bother" me about it.
She is coming off as kinda insecure right now. I don't know if it means anything or not so I'm just going to assume it means nothing.
Sounds like she is insecure. I think she sent you the text about the anniversary to test your reaction. I know you already replied but maybe not saying anything to her would have been better. She got what she wanted which was for you to respond about the anniversary. At least you know that the anniversary was on her mind.
The whole thing of her saying she needed to know the time of the show because she was planning something during the day...sounds like bs to me. Sounds like she was looking for a reason to contact you and get you to respond. Just my opinion.
Hang in there.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Well, after some positive signs lately it was really hard to stay backed off today. Had a rough day at work, and fought myself all day to not just say "hello" to her on instant messenger.
Its really hard, because her and I both have jobs where we just sit at desks all day, and we both are on IM, and I see her screename sitting there and have to fight to not talk to her.
But, I didn't.
And at the end of the workday I got message from her just wanting to let me know that the wine store across the street from my apt. sells beer now.
?
Cool. Thanks?
I'm gonna try to make some fancy meatballs tonight. I'm a terrible cook. Wish me luck.
Also I just noticed while typing that my finger is bleeding!
We made dinner, talked, laughed, hung out, watched LOST, We had sex.... We had a lot of fun together.
LOST sucked, btw.
Went to sleep and I had a dream that she was marrying someone else. I woke up so upset. It was surreal. It was like that dream was a total nightmare, and then I woke up to brief happiness seeing her there, and then total sadness realizing that dream wasn't too far off from reality.
I drove her to the train station... We made out in the car for a minute and she left.
I'm back at work...
I knew I was going to feel like this today, but holy hell, I am so torn up inside.
It took everything I had to not start a R talk. I didn't. I was cool.
I honestly have no idea what shes thinking, or what she wants.
Ok Kon, Here was my take on the dream - she's going to marry someone else - as in a new you!! Maybe stick that in your hopper and see if it makes you feel even a tad better. I know limbo sucks and needing to have patience sucks but the alternative sucks worse!
Hang in there!
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
It's in the hopper, and it did make me feel a little better, so thanks.
I hate myself for loving spending time with her so much.
I only talk to a couple people in my life about this, and btoh of them are telling me I need to talk to her. They are saying I need to tell her that I can't do this anymore, and we either need to try to repair our relationship together, or I need to walk away.
To be honest here, I am scared that if I do that, I am just going to hear what I heard the last time I tried that a few months ago, which is that she still wants a divorce and thinks we are spending time together just because were "used to it".
Someone please tell me that starting that conversation with her is a bad idea.
As I see it my only options here are to either silently go away, without saying a word, or tell her I can't do it anymore and go away.
I'm leaning towards just silently going away.
I just find it hard to believe that she is sitting at work, like me, after camping last week and last night going so well, and she is not thinking about stuff. Like, how could she just go back to her "single girl" life after that? How can she not be wondering...
I'm just ranting and spilling my guts here...
Like I said, I knew what I was getting into yesterday, and I knew I would get sucked back in, so to speak... But I didnt know I would feel THIS awful today.
Kon, Just curious - have you thought about contacting a DB coach? It might help you get some of the perspective you need. I have found that friends - though well meaning - often give unhelpful advice. Just a thought. I'm guessing that if you had a plan it would make you feel less lost and give you some perspective on your options.
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
Way to go!! Now that is good!