I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[ericmsant2]

Shelbel

I hope you enjoyed your weekend. Thank you for the post on my thread.

How long am I supposed to make him pay for his mistakes?

For me I would prefer that she pay forever - just kidding. Seriously though...is it really his mistakes? Did he ask for this? As I have come to understand this more I have come to accept that neither of us asked for this. It is a natrual part of life. Are our spouses dealing with it as we would - probably not but then again they are not us. They will at some point need to deal with the issues or they will get stuck.

How is continuing to carry all of this anger and hostility doing either one of us any good?

Very..very good point. We need to let go of the anger not for them or the M but for US. For our own healing, which is what we can control.

I'm going to start working on forgiving both of us for the pain and sadness of the past few years. I'm going to just let it go. All of it. It's not doing me any good, and it's certainly not helping him any.

Very good place to be. Just remember that the forgivness is not to "help" him - it is to help you, which once again is the only thing you can control.

I want to take the "figuring out my part in the fall of my M"

Personally, this was the hardest part of this process for me. If you are really honest with yourself you may find that we did play major roles in this failure. The key IMO is not to dwell on it or beat the living sh*t out ourself for it but to learn from it. Grown from it.

I don't just want to even the score. I want to erase it.

I love this quote. I can honestly say that for a while I did want to even the score. I did want her to pay for the pain. In the end though you realize that all this does is...

carrying the burden of bitterness and resentment around

which is not good for us, the kids or anyone for that matter.

Miller Lite anyone

I keep telling ya...you have to try the car bomb thing. Just make sure that you hand your cell phone to someone

I just joined the alt as Shelbel Elliery

I friended you - you can see pics of my kids on my page.

God Bless,
Eric