The Court of King Caractacus

[lees]

Had a look on the DB group members and couldn't find you. Got your first name, but the other part is too cryptic - are we talking retail references here? I'm the only one in that group with a name that starts with Lees.

Thanks for looking out for me, and worrying about me!

I do still want to stick 2 fingers up at the WAW, absolutely. Surely she deserves some pain for the damage she caused. At one point I was so low I even wrote a suicide note saying I was relieved that the OW would be taking care of her in my absence. But not by dating. I doubt she even knows, let alone cares. I honestly think if she did somehow find out it wouldn't cause her pain or contemplation. She'd just be off the hook for making my life miserable and happy that I'd moved on and she could lose some guilt. It would prove her right in her mind that she should never have married me as we were obviously so totally incompatible, and not the "soulmate" she is for the OW. And so be it.

We have no contact, my dating activities are shared only with friends who have no connection to her, even tenuous ones. I think the only way she would ever find out would be to accidentally bump into me, but as I can't imagine her going to any of the places I like to go to with her new lifestyle. I've no intention of spending any time in the places she frequents these days, besides, I wouldn't get in to them as I don't own any clothes worth more than my car.

I'm not standing anymore. For a while I've been standing for my own promises, my own vows, not for her. Because I stood up in front of my friends and family as well as hers, and said I would be there for her always. I just can't do it anymore. I won't waste my life on a waster. She invalidated it by not keeping hers, and is now telling everyone it was such a mistake in the first place I wonder if we ever really got married at all. I believe it's a ceremony that requires two people to be speaking words they really mean, and she is adamant that this was not what she was doing at our wedding.

I've come to realise and believe that our marriage was a mistake. I didn't know it at the time. I wish I had. I meant my vows and truly thought I was marrying the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. But she wasn't. So really it was just another relationship, lasted 3 yrs, and now it's over. Unfortunately we made the error of investing a lot of time and money in a big weekend in Scotland, lots of expensive trimmings, and a honeymoon. But none of that makes it anymore than just another relationship in her eyes. Whatever I think about it is irrelevant if I'm thinking it without her.

I don't think a)she will ever want to come back, or b) that we would be able to heal the damage since caused.

I'm not scared of being single. I've had healthy gaps between all my relationships. I prefer to be in a couple, but I've never been one for rebounds or lowering my standards just in the pursuit of it. I know I have to be careful here. Ode is an old friend. I wouldn't want to hurt either of us. The mantra is "slow and cautious."

I am looking forwards to the weather breaking - the teaching rooms for the APLS are always too hot, so cloud cover or at least a drop in temperature will be welcome! Long day to be trapped in that greenhouse - from 8am till 7pm on the first day.

We should definitely meet up for a good old chinwag. Perhaps if FB is too tricky I'm sure JacT wouldn't mind you joining in on that email address she posted above.