Surviving & Thriving

[sandycay]

Well, EXH surfaced over the weekend and text the S and called the D. It seemed to be positive conversation with the D and S was hurt that his dad didn't call him.

D asked me when Father's Day was and I told her and she said "Oh, good I am making something for FFG in woodshop like I made you" (she made me a wooden cross). Ouch, for her own dad. I asked her to please think about hurt feelings on the other side and she stated well he doesn't act like a dad towards me and hasn't and FFG shows interest in me and listens and does things with me and includes me and goes to my game. I know he will never be my dad but atleast I can thank him for being a part of my life that's positive." Ouch for EXH.

Realistically, S was upset by this because "it will hurt dad, but then he has hurt her worse but the difference is DAD DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING, THAT IS HURTING EVERYONE BECUASE THERE IS SOMETHING FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG WITH HIM" (he didnt' shout I just thought the statement was profound for a 15 yr old to recognize that "he has hurt her way worse than she could ever hurt him".

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this gift for Father's Day to FFG and I dont' think I can tell her that it's wrong or not to do it. Becuase then would I be telling her "hey, if someone shows you love and respect don't give them a gift"

Any thoughts? Do I just let it her do what her heart desires? She loves FFG... she has told me this. Yikes, my heart flopped to the pit of my stomach and back because of her risk of getting hurt. Of course, FFG has shown nothing but good during all of this.

We (I) had an issue with his EXW and her lack of boundaries and after a few days of thinking about I was able to sit and communicate with him my thoughts/concerns over it and I was nervous as hell because we have not had to have those types of serious talks before. So the first one is nerve wracking.

He listened, understood, asked quesitons when he didnt' understand what I was trying to come across and become enlightend in the ways of subtle evil women such as her. He was able to make a few points as well and it was wonderful to have a situation that could have been bad turn into a conversation and resolution. So, now we will watch to see if his actions match his words. So far so good!