Need Help with Husband's MLC

[JeanBean]

I am going to vent here because I am really frustrated. This weekend was terrible and my husband and I got into terrible arguments on Saturday and he told me he hates me and is too restless and he can't stand my BS anymore, he wants me to leave and he wants to be happy and can't do it in our household, he is comfortable but not happy, it is not what he wants. I got emotional and cried like a baby and became depressed. I know this didn't help at all.

I even mentioned the married woman who has been persuing him and told him he shoves her in my face and why can't he ever just want to make it work with me? What is wrong with trying to learn new patterns and he said I live in a fairy tale world. What couple do I know that have been happy together since having therapy or counseling?

He said he knows who he is and what he wants and no one is going to tell him how he feels about anything. He said that he knows he has treated me like sh*t and he is sorry but he has every right to feel how he feels.

Than yesterday he kept talking about how if I won the lottery would I give him money if he were married to someone else and I said no, that I would if he were single but not if he were married. Than he said I tell him I want him to be happy but when it comes right down to it I really don't because if I did and someone else made him happy than I would be happy for him. He said that he would always support me and not abandon me whether we are together or not. When I came back later in the day he asked why I did not stay at my parents house for good (I was visiting) and I said I have a job and will not stay there. He said "good so I don't need to give you any money". I said, "yes, for the kids" and he said "only one of the kids is mine because she was planned and the other 2 were my fault."

I told him that the past few years I have been learning alot and understanding how I think better because of the ADHD diagnosis and he asked if he is going to have to wait another 20 years for me since I am 20 years behind everyone else and how he couldn't do it, he will be 40 years old in a few months and he is finally going to do what makes him happy.

I told him this morning that I do understand everything and why he feels how he feels and he said that I brought our relationship to this because I had time to fix things and didn't do anything about it and let it slip away, and it is the way it is because of me. He doesn't take any responsiblity for anything about our relationship problems and that really bothers me, I did not make it bad by myself.

He said that I don't have what he needs and I told him that I know that I do. He said that I may be convinced but he is the one that needs to be and he doesn't believe me and I haven't shown him otherwise.

I know my emotional state is not helping things. I just get so frustrated and upset, it is really hard to deal with this sometimes. I don't get to devote the time I would like to to reading and when I get really upset my brain seems to leave the building.

I pray and try to find ways to calm myself down because I know me being emotional is making the other woman 100% more appealing and easier for him to justify himself but it doesn't make me any less upset and hurt.

Does anyone have any pointers on how to calm yourself down quickly and not be hurt especially if they use the "buttons" that they know will hurt you and say some things that are true?

Thanks for any input! It is much appreciated!