H is to take the kids on Friday night for the weekend. He comes over and gives me about a 5 minute hug. Very upset. He asks if he can hang around for a bit, I say sure, we order pizza.
H tells me he is sorry he has been such a bad husband, that he has had a lot of time to think and he thinks he has made a mistake. I basically just listen and don't say anything. I don't know what to say. Of course I want him home, but it is running through my mind what I have heard so much about people moving back in together before they are ready. I don't want to go through him leaving again.
He asks me how he can work on us while he needs to work on him. I tell him to first work on him, then worry about us. He needs to do that first. I'm thinking I'm being generous in giving him time, but later that evening he tells me he is hurt by that statement. I try to explain my reasoning.
He leaves s4 here while he goes to boyscouts as s4 is being very cranky. I'm having a scrapbook thing at my house till midnight, so friends are coming over.
S4 falls asleep and H returns later to pick him up. H decides he'll let boys sleep here and return at 5am so I can get on the road.
H comes over around 1 am, still upset and agitated. We talk a bit and I try to explain, again, what I meant about working on himself. He has called a therapist for an appointment. He also talked that in addition to working on us, we will also have to repair relationships with the parents and each sibling. For some reason we didn't get to discuss this, it was more a statement he said. I have only told him I'm hurt his Ps haven't called, I have not let him know the extent of my anger towards them and i'm very glad I have kept a lid on that.
He then went to sleep on the couch as it was approaching 1:30 and I had to be up early.
In the morning he thanked me for letting me stay. He and the boys stayed here this weekend and he washed the van and cleaned up all of the black bean mess. He also mowed the lawn and got me caught up on laundry. I thanked him and told him how much I appreciated the help.
When I got home Sunday night I thought we might get the kids to bed and resume our conversation. But, he said I'll let you have some time with the kids and he left.
I want to email him and explain to him my reasoining on the issue statement, my thoughts on repairing Rs with family (I think my family will do what I ask them and it won't be that difficult) and a suggestion Ellie gave me that we should have date nights where we just have fun and have no R talk. Should I bring this up in a eamil or conversation or should I sit on it and wait until he brings it up?
I feel after the opening up, he will pull back. I don't think I'm quick enough to respond when we talk, I want to think about things and then respond. As when I respond, it isn't what he is looking for.
