help with a plan

[LSG]

IDU,

There is so much disrespect in affairs and little respect for LBSs.

I think exposure is a good thing. I believe everyone needs to know about the affair, so they do not look like they are the innocent ones when they are hurting families by their actions.

[TimeHeals]

I am simply telling the truth.

The truth shall set you free. Honesty (to yourself and others) is the straightest path out of the rabbit hole you have fallen into.

Good luck to you.

[Coach]

There is so much disrespect in affairs and little respect for LBSs.

Women are attracted to men they respect. That's why it's so important to set a boundary about any affair. It shows a man standing up for himself, his family and letting his wife know he will fight for her. It shows confidence, love, and strong action. The fear is that setting a boundary will drive her away when the reality is that it will attract her.

[idontunderstand]

The fear is that setting a boundary will drive her away when the reality is that it will attract her.

Absolutely true in my case. Everything that she says is counter to this. "You don't trust me, how could you think that, I would never do something like that......" So I start doubting myself. With doubt comes inaction. I should have been in action mode for months. I have no reason to trust her at this time and she knows it. Hopefully, it's not too late. I have dropped the rope and exposed to certain people. Time to continue the hard work.

And if it doesn't work? I'm at peace with that. Other than still worrying about the kids. Can't quite get over that stumbling block. D would devastate them. That will be on her.

[Barkley]

I hear ya......quite frankly if it weren't for GOD and my kids, I would have just told my wife to take a hike

[idontunderstand]

I hear ya......quite frankly if it weren't for GOD and my kids, I would have just told my wife to take a hike

I felt the same way. But, as Coach once pointed out, she can probably sense that. That is where true detachment comes in. I understand it more all the time. I want to save my M. I don't want to lose my W. I will be okay without her. I can't make her stay if she has decided to leave or believes she has found someone better. Let her go and find out that she really doesn't have it so bad. Especially after we have done much soul searching and improvement to ourselves.

It's the only way this will work.

[flowmom]

Other than still worrying about the kids. Can't quite get over that stumbling block. D would devastate them. That will be on her.

<nodding> I so get you IDU. The only thing I've figured out about that is:

1. I'm doing what I can to save my M...which isn't much

2. whether or not we D is out of my control

3. I can do my best to mitigate the fallout of D on my children, but there inevitably going to be some pain for them in the short and long term

4. a parent can only protect her children to some extent...beyond that she must be there to support them and help them with tools for coping

I've had to get really clear about the above so that the guilt doesn't eat me alive...I still struggle with feeling that I would sell my soul to prevent this D for my children's sakes.

(((hugs)))

[Steve McQueen]

I understand now.

[Bummedout]

Hang strong IDU Pigskin, and a few others of ya.
I will say that the need for "proof" at this point in the game is a tad overrated. Odds are, knowing how "the teacher circles" work . . .everyone she works with knows, and dollars to donuts says that at least one kid has noticed "something is up" Mith Mrs IDU and Mr. Sleazeball.

I know when I was in high school, we used to joke about one of the Sisters and one of the priests "Cheating on God" since they were supposedly married to Him. Years after graduation, I found out that they had been booted from the school . . .for just that, and had both since left the service of the Catholic Church . . .though not together.

If you have staff backing, even from one, and investigation will likely get a bunch of people talking. While they may "keep their mouths shut" other than whispers, they probably won't be so secretive if questioned in an investigation into your allegation.

And I do think where someone says you need to be a pain in HIS butt . . .that's exactly right, in my "cabinetmakers opinion"

Again, hang in there. Buy yourself something cool that your wife would think was just stupid, heheh.

[LSG]

IDU,

All you can take care of is you and kids if D happens. Try not to despise your W as much as I do mine right now. Being able to communicate would help in any circumstances. I just don't care.

You are right, she has to do what she can to help them cope too, and I hope she will for the kids sake.

My wife she just wants to take over, and I have to say enough is enough.

You have to decide what is right for you. I know you will make the best decision you can.

Take care of yourself.