"i've lost it on just about everyone except for h. i don't think he's ever seen me angry like this. instead of going off on him, i just go quiet - or b*tch mode."
You say that.. but you stated that your actions are seen by him as exactly the same thing.
"things between h and i are very different. i don't make an effort to talk to him. he makes an effort to avoid me at all costs. are we both not happy about creating the space between us? i'm not but i'm sure he is thrilled."
There you go inferring again.
"well, i stop trying to prove a point way back in january. when i couldn't get through to his thick mucus covered cranium that his parents basically pushed me out of the way to get to him, i stopped trying."
Welcome.. to his world.
"he wants out because he's choosing his parents over me. that i totally ruined christmas for them. that i was threatening to his parents. that they questioned his judgement in marrying me. he must make them proud again by destroying the evil w. he will never go against their word. he believes they are doing what's best for him. that he only needs them and they are the only ones he should trust. either that or .. marry Caucasian and not someone from a different cultural background."
"Caucasian".. define that. I mean you. You just threw that at me. Not that it really matters. You defined he is white. What are you?
"what else is there to learn?"
Gimme a sec on that one.
"btw, you didn't touch on my reasoning for why i am obsessed with this unfound infidelity. and that i believe he'd do it to hurt me. i'm supposed to expect a lot more hurtful things coming my way. so you know it's coming. and the day that it does, i will go absolutely insane on this board/thread."
It's because you don't understand what drives you. You are looking for a reason to make it easier to walk away. Put it behind you. Blame him. This has the distinct smell of a Physical LL. For you.
You focus on the action to much.
For a East Coast girl.. you stay up too late.
Go to sleep.
I will be back in the morning.. it is almost 1 am here.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
