It HURTS so bad, desperately need re assurance

[TimeHeals]

I don't know what to tell you about the legal stuff--maybe the vets can chime in here--especially since I do not have kids, but whatever you do, you cannot let fear of not reconciling guide your actions.

Seriously, if you wife is planning on living with another man, then reconcilliation should be the furthest thing from your mind right now.

[SOTR]

True ,I think Im just still completely STUNNED that she's actually choosing an abusive ex from 15 years ago over trying to resolve our relatonship issues.

[BeingMe]

Sorry to chime in here, but hasn't she actually gone back to her legal husband? (Did I read it correctly?) I think, given your "wifes" history, she has no right to complain about the life she had with you. Good grief! Mentioning that she had accepted the housework stuff doesn't mean you were alerted to the problem. I am so sick and tired of these WAS's not being specific about their problems. It's like reading a detective novel, looking for leads and clues.

You should definitely get full custody of the kids. The fact that she signed over her first children to their paternal grandmother makes me think you'll have no problem. I just don't know how any mother could do this. And going back to an abusive R is nutso .... my first M was abusive, and there is no way on earth I would go back to him.

I wish you good luck and hope it all works out.

[SOTR]

No need to apologize. Yes your correct, they never legally divorced. TBHI really dont know why , but it never really was an issue for us, because we always said it was something she would take care of when we were finally ready to get married.

I do hope that the fact that she signed over custody the first go around will be a BIG help in my favor. In her defense, her MIL is a real piece of work and used the twins as weapons for years, witholdin visitation on a whim. But now that they're 15 and close to being able to be on their own............

I've seen this pattern of behavior once before with my WAW, about three years ago when I got really absorbed in things as an escape from stress. She got her emotional needs met from short fling with someone and it was over within a month. We started going to counseling , but it petered out after a few months. Im certainly not blameless in this nighmare, I just cant believe she's running to HIM of all people. And I certainly cant believe that she would A) Stand by and let our children live with him given his history and B) That I wouldnt find out with in the next month if I had proceeded to follow the original plan of letting the kids stay with her while we worked onour issues. I honestly have NO CLUE what is going thru her head right now. Im most hurt for my kids , especially my daughter, who loves her Mom dearly. But I cant see it being ok for me to risk her living there with his history and this jerk sure as hell ISNT raising MY SON as long as I have something to say about it.

[cantstandit]

Hey dude, I'm so sorry - makes my life seem like childs play. I am not sure of the answer, perhaps you can take the kids to a relative's as far away as possible.

It sounds like you have your work cut out, and it sounds like she wants to make your life even more miserable. Perhaps, you are not the bad guy here.

Good luck and keep strong.

[tristan]

And now I find myself having become precisely what I DESPISED !!!

There is plenty of time to change that. Think of the person you would like to be. What would that person do in this situation? Do what that person would do. You will find yourself doing things that you can be proud of.

Take care,
-T

[sandi2]

Yes your correct, they never legally divorced. TBHI really dont know why , but it never really was an issue for us, because we always said it was something she would take care of when we were finally ready to get married.

Whoa! You two were never legally M? Then, does that mean the children born to her are legally his? I thought whoever the woman was legally M to....her H was the "legal" parent of the children. But, IDK if that's the law where you live or not.

[SOTR]

I have NEVER heard of such a thing as that sandi. Both kids legally have my last name and I am named as the father on the birth certificate's. Not to mention I would LOVE to hear the novel legal theory that my children are actually HIS, since our first wasnt born till 8 years after she left him and our son was born just last fall, more then 12 years after she left him.

I've been on the phone with a slew of attorney's consulting about this today and not one of the has expressed the concern you have raised.

[sandi2]

I would LOVE to hear the novel legal theory that my children are actually HIS, since our first wasnt born till 8 years after she left him and our son was born just last fall, more then 12 years after she left him.

Doesn't matter how long they had been S, if children were born....and she was legally M to him, in some places they would be seen as legally his. But IDK since you are named as the father on the BC....probably nothing to sweat.

I do have a question. Why on earth would you have two children with a woman who was M to another man?

[BeingMe]

I think that is if the married couple still live together. The baby from an A is legally the H's if it has his name and they are still living as a couple. I could, of course, be wrong.

Perhaps there is a way for you to legally have full custody of the children, if your W signs them over. She's done it before. Look if you can find a "do-it-yourself" separation and custody document. Find a way to convince her to do so. If she wants to endanger herself, then that's her prerogative, but that doesn't mean she should endanger the children. Be careful about stating how much more money you make than her ---- it could just mean that you would have to pay more child support if she gets the custody (although, if this goes to court, legally you would be bound to declare all your earnings as well as she would). Check into that first, I would say. Try getting them signed over before going the court route.

Take care.