WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

Well.. clearly you are about to. You are angry. You have lost it. It just really depends on what chair and keyboard you are using.

i've lost it on just about everyone except for h.
i don't think he's ever seen me angry like this.
instead of going off on him, i just go quiet - or b*tch mode.

Things are different.. but not really. We both "created" space. We both are not happy about that.

things between h and i are very different.
i don't make an effort to talk to him.
he makes an effort to avoid me at all costs.
are we both not happy about creating the space between us?
i'm not but i'm sure he is thrilled.

From your reactions so far.. I think you were trying to prove a point. How is that working out for now?

well, i stop trying to prove a point way back in january.
when i couldn't get through to his thick mucus covered cranium that his parents basically pushed me out of the way to get to him, i stopped trying.

I was just being brutally honest. Her issues were hers.. mine were mine. The silly part about it is that all I had to do was think about my GAL activity.. and my hands started hurting. Maybe it was the look of pain on my face..

what do you mean by being brutally honest?
i'm brutally honest when i was trying to "prove my point" and it got me nowhere.

can you expand on why thinking about your GAL activity made your hands hurt?

and i thought when you GAL, you're supposed to act as if you are not hurting at all. why did you let your pain show on your face?

They come to you. See.. they are making bad choices to. It's all the Emotion. Once they can no longer blame you.. cause you are not "around".. Who can they blame? The things they say.. are based in half truths. Think "Fish Story". Things get bigger the more the story is told.

i'm betting that this will never happen to me.
him come to me? when pigs grow wings.
he will always have his parents telling him that every bad thing that's happening to him is because of me.
the car broke down, must be the ex-w that's put a curse on him.
the toast burnt, it was the ex-w and her bad vibes.
as long as his parents are alive, they won't let him come to me. he's never been able to make a decision on his own. they constantly call to convince him that he's doing the right thing. full steam ahead. get EVERYTHING you can from her.

"my h doesn't love me and wants out."

The first part of your statement.. is based in Emotion.. and inference.

The second part.. begs the question.. Why?

That should be your focus. You have touched on it "here". But you have so much to learn.

he wants out because he's choosing his parents over me.
that i totally ruined christmas for them.
that i was threatening to his parents.
that they questioned his judgement in marrying me.
he must make them proud again by destroying the evil w.
he will never go against their word. he believes they are doing what's best for him. that he only needs them and they are the only ones he should trust.
either that or .. marry caucasian and not someone from a different cultural background.
what else is there to learn?

Nothing is any different now than when you were first dating. History.. just makes it a tiny bit harder.

history makes it really hard.

Vindictive.. too. I understand.

yes, i can be. i won't deny that.

I agree. I see the old you returning to the surface.

i'm sure it will cycle.

I think you have your heels dug in on the wrong set of circumstances. It is not the material things that are making you react this way. It is the action of him "digging" at you that keeps you reacting. As long as you keep doing this you will continue to find yourself never moving forward. You will be stuck.. just like you are now.

his digging is showing his stupidity.
i mean, i don't want to be a doormat. and go 'ok, you can have all that stuff back.' but the law says that gifts to me should be mine. but since i'm not a gold digger, you can keep your gifts and i'll return the gifts you gave me.'

It takes someone with heart.. and "gumption" to do something different. It takes someone with a naive perspective to push things. Even if you get all the words wrong.. let your actions stand out.

i have.
i was honest with my paperwork.
i didn't do anything stupid like ask for stuff back or claim a portion of the gifts i gave him.
those are my actions so far.
what would be the best way to defend against that rule bending?

This little "transaction" you find yourself in.. will define you for the rest of your life. Bet on that!

Who do you want to be?

How do you want the world to "see" you?

i don't know how to handle it without being a doormat and giving it all away.
i want to set the boundaries here - i will not tolerate that kind rule bending in his favor.

btw, you didn't touch on my reasoning for why i am obsessed with this unfound infidelity. and that i believe he'd do it to hurt me. i'm supposed to expect a lot more hurtful things coming my way. so you know it's coming. and the day that it does, i will go absolutely insane on this board/thread.

dumped.